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July 7, 2022
Random Thoughts
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
They keep buzzing around in my head, so it’s time to clean out the bats in the belfry.
Spam Calls
I’ve been getting Spanish spam calls lately. Too bad I didn’t take Spanish. Now if they called in French, well, I still couldn’t understand them. Yesterday, I got a call from XXXXXXXXXX, TX. I didn’t bother to answer it because I really don’t know anyone that lives in XXXXXXXXXX.
Happy Anniversary, Honey
July Fourth was Very Best Friend’s anniversary with Perfectly Engineered Husband. Know what romantic gesture he made? He ran over her foot with her car. Luckily, nothing broke and the injury only required some ice, plus she got the great present of ordering him around all evening. I’ll have to remember that one.
Funeral for a Friend
I’m a heck of a vegetable gardener. I’m so good, I can proudly post pictures of my veggies on Facebook which really means I have no life. But this year because of the heatwave, I had to put all my precious plants out of their misery. It was hard, but I held a small ceremony and then buried them in the parched earth. No one really likes to eat miniature squash and zucchini except those people who shop at Whole Foods.
Can Someone Shoot the Emu?
I can’t take one more Emu selling me insurance commercial. At least a puppy would be cute. And that Emu doesn’t even have any fashion sense. Flo’s apron is a much better look. Don’t Emu’s bite? I’d bite his partner in crime because he wears Sansabelt Pants and I’ve had blind dates with that type of “Glamour fashion don’t” guy.
The Ex-Pats Society
I have friends that have left the country and are wandering the world to find a fun place to stay for a while. I consider them gypsies. My world revolves around four animals, a dead vegetable garden and 50 some odd porch plants. If I sneak away for the weekend, I feel guilty. Still, it’s interesting to see their travels. What I’ve learned so far? Hydrogen Peroxide is sold in very small quantities and it’s expensive plus people in other countries dress weird. And no one uses ice.
What the Burger?
We stopped by a new Whataburger just the other day. Besides the two bay drive thru, they now have spaces where you park, and they bring your burger out (just like groceries at HEB) plus you can also app ahead and just come in for your order. I don’t know. They’ve got a two bay to-go drive thru. No one can wait five minutes anymore? Modern carhops are apps, I guess. Wonder if I can preorder a small DQ cone?
Help I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
No, my new favorite idiotic commercial is, “Who here uses a ladder to clean their gutters?” Well, Kevin, of course. And his second, much younger wife keeps warning him, “Kevin! I keep telling you that’s dangerous!” I think she needs to leave Kevin because he’s an idiot. Yes, I yell at TV commercials which, once again, proves I have no life.
Chain Letters Never Went Away
Remember when you were in junior high, and you got the evil curse of the chain letter? If you didn’t send it on, you were certain to die. Well, now that’s on Facebook. “I bet no one will send this on” curse. Or, worst of all, “Let’s see how many of my friends respond. If you don’t maybe, I’ll delete you.” Look, stop it. I didn’t die from not sending on a chain letter on in eighth grade, so you don’t scare me anymore.
Thanks. My brain is all clear now. Until that next commercial with Kevin.
Spam Calls
I’ve been getting Spanish spam calls lately. Too bad I didn’t take Spanish. Now if they called in French, well, I still couldn’t understand them. Yesterday, I got a call from XXXXXXXXXX, TX. I didn’t bother to answer it because I really don’t know anyone that lives in XXXXXXXXXX.
Happy Anniversary, Honey
July Fourth was Very Best Friend’s anniversary with Perfectly Engineered Husband. Know what romantic gesture he made? He ran over her foot with her car. Luckily, nothing broke and the injury only required some ice, plus she got the great present of ordering him around all evening. I’ll have to remember that one.
Funeral for a Friend
I’m a heck of a vegetable gardener. I’m so good, I can proudly post pictures of my veggies on Facebook which really means I have no life. But this year because of the heatwave, I had to put all my precious plants out of their misery. It was hard, but I held a small ceremony and then buried them in the parched earth. No one really likes to eat miniature squash and zucchini except those people who shop at Whole Foods.
Can Someone Shoot the Emu?
I can’t take one more Emu selling me insurance commercial. At least a puppy would be cute. And that Emu doesn’t even have any fashion sense. Flo’s apron is a much better look. Don’t Emu’s bite? I’d bite his partner in crime because he wears Sansabelt Pants and I’ve had blind dates with that type of “Glamour fashion don’t” guy.
The Ex-Pats Society
I have friends that have left the country and are wandering the world to find a fun place to stay for a while. I consider them gypsies. My world revolves around four animals, a dead vegetable garden and 50 some odd porch plants. If I sneak away for the weekend, I feel guilty. Still, it’s interesting to see their travels. What I’ve learned so far? Hydrogen Peroxide is sold in very small quantities and it’s expensive plus people in other countries dress weird. And no one uses ice.
What the Burger?
We stopped by a new Whataburger just the other day. Besides the two bay drive thru, they now have spaces where you park, and they bring your burger out (just like groceries at HEB) plus you can also app ahead and just come in for your order. I don’t know. They’ve got a two bay to-go drive thru. No one can wait five minutes anymore? Modern carhops are apps, I guess. Wonder if I can preorder a small DQ cone?
Help I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
No, my new favorite idiotic commercial is, “Who here uses a ladder to clean their gutters?” Well, Kevin, of course. And his second, much younger wife keeps warning him, “Kevin! I keep telling you that’s dangerous!” I think she needs to leave Kevin because he’s an idiot. Yes, I yell at TV commercials which, once again, proves I have no life.
Chain Letters Never Went Away
Remember when you were in junior high, and you got the evil curse of the chain letter? If you didn’t send it on, you were certain to die. Well, now that’s on Facebook. “I bet no one will send this on” curse. Or, worst of all, “Let’s see how many of my friends respond. If you don’t maybe, I’ll delete you.” Look, stop it. I didn’t die from not sending on a chain letter on in eighth grade, so you don’t scare me anymore.
Thanks. My brain is all clear now. Until that next commercial with Kevin.