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February 2, 2023
Occasional Rants
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
You People Actually Believe Weathermen?
I’m housebound because, shudder, it’s 34 here and it’s the Most Terrible Ice Storm Ever, or at least that’s what the weather people keep telling me. Sigh. Dudes, I’m from Dallas. Home of the Most Terrible Ice Storms Ever.
I could have told all of you two days ago that there wasn’t going to be an ice storm. It was 33 degrees for over 48 hours. Now, granted, that’s pretty cold for us South Texas people and I now realize how drafty a house can be with myriad windows, but Dudes, the view is beautiful. Not much of a problem as the propane fire is running nonstop.
And I understand that Dallas and Austin got slammed and even towns in our HEB hills. But I knew it wouldn’t happen here because I didn’t hear sleet all night. That’s what I heard right after midnight January 1 in Big D. It didn’t quit until 6 a.m. By that time, all the trees were covered in 3 inches of ice and nobody had any power. That, dear readers, is an ice storm.
Dudes you dogged another one. Why do I keep saying Dude so much?
I want to start a rally that’s anti-weather people. I think they get delight out of lying to us and laughing behind our backs.
“Wonder how many schools will close down because of this forecast?” (Insert evil laugh.)
I actually need a weather forecast every day. I’m a gardener and it really matters when a freeze is coming or if there’s not going to be rain for a whole year, like last year. Weather can really mess with gardening.
My point is, those dang weather people have disappointed me and lied to me my whole life. And I think we gardeners should rally and make their raises based on how accurate they really are.
“Gerald, you missed all the freezing temperatures last year. I’m afraid your days here are numbered.”
So I guess I could set up a Go Fund Me page for the Anti-Weather Person Rally, but do we really need money for posterboard and sticks? I think not. I could set up a Facebook page, but wouldn’t that go against every single one of their rules? Probably so as I’ve been a troublemaker for years probably because the weather people keep lying to me, Dude.
Why Do Car Dealers and Spa Sales Reps Scream on TV at Me?
They’re giving me a headache. If you scream hard enough, will I turn to My Future Husband and say, “Darling! Can you please take me car shopping this instant?” Nope. And if you yell loud enough will I drive two hours over to I-35 (gag) and zip into the Best Spa Sale Place Ever? Nope.
So, why yell? Or the other horrible commercial where those A/C people that have a weird name that’s hard to spell (and yet, I still don’t remember the name). They have an obnoxious commercial where everyone repeats the same words over and over. It sounds like unbalanced quadraphonic speakers or a Pink Floyd song. And it’s what they make a Mute Button for.
So that’s it. I ranted today. Sorry and thanks for putting up with me if you actually read this far, Dudes.
I’m housebound because, shudder, it’s 34 here and it’s the Most Terrible Ice Storm Ever, or at least that’s what the weather people keep telling me. Sigh. Dudes, I’m from Dallas. Home of the Most Terrible Ice Storms Ever.
I could have told all of you two days ago that there wasn’t going to be an ice storm. It was 33 degrees for over 48 hours. Now, granted, that’s pretty cold for us South Texas people and I now realize how drafty a house can be with myriad windows, but Dudes, the view is beautiful. Not much of a problem as the propane fire is running nonstop.
And I understand that Dallas and Austin got slammed and even towns in our HEB hills. But I knew it wouldn’t happen here because I didn’t hear sleet all night. That’s what I heard right after midnight January 1 in Big D. It didn’t quit until 6 a.m. By that time, all the trees were covered in 3 inches of ice and nobody had any power. That, dear readers, is an ice storm.
Dudes you dogged another one. Why do I keep saying Dude so much?
I want to start a rally that’s anti-weather people. I think they get delight out of lying to us and laughing behind our backs.
“Wonder how many schools will close down because of this forecast?” (Insert evil laugh.)
I actually need a weather forecast every day. I’m a gardener and it really matters when a freeze is coming or if there’s not going to be rain for a whole year, like last year. Weather can really mess with gardening.
My point is, those dang weather people have disappointed me and lied to me my whole life. And I think we gardeners should rally and make their raises based on how accurate they really are.
“Gerald, you missed all the freezing temperatures last year. I’m afraid your days here are numbered.”
So I guess I could set up a Go Fund Me page for the Anti-Weather Person Rally, but do we really need money for posterboard and sticks? I think not. I could set up a Facebook page, but wouldn’t that go against every single one of their rules? Probably so as I’ve been a troublemaker for years probably because the weather people keep lying to me, Dude.
Why Do Car Dealers and Spa Sales Reps Scream on TV at Me?
They’re giving me a headache. If you scream hard enough, will I turn to My Future Husband and say, “Darling! Can you please take me car shopping this instant?” Nope. And if you yell loud enough will I drive two hours over to I-35 (gag) and zip into the Best Spa Sale Place Ever? Nope.
So, why yell? Or the other horrible commercial where those A/C people that have a weird name that’s hard to spell (and yet, I still don’t remember the name). They have an obnoxious commercial where everyone repeats the same words over and over. It sounds like unbalanced quadraphonic speakers or a Pink Floyd song. And it’s what they make a Mute Button for.
So that’s it. I ranted today. Sorry and thanks for putting up with me if you actually read this far, Dudes.