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June 2, 2023
Let's Learn Some Weird Stuff
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
You know, some weeks, I just don’t feel all that funny. That’s when I turn to my trusty companion, Google, to learn stuff you really need to know. Ok, maybe not, but let’s jump right in anyway.
Women Blink Nearly Twice as Much as Men
The only reason I can think why this is true is because women flirt. We bat our eyelashes. Is that blinking? Well, I think so. Or could it be your mascara?
Edgar Allen Poe
He married his 13-year-old cousin. That’s so wrong on so many levels and I guess that’s why all his writing was pretty weird, quote the raven, “Nevermore.”
Sloths
These odd creatures can hold their breath longer than dolphins can. But they’re not in the water, so what’s the point of that? I know, “Mom I’m going to hold my breath until I turn blue.” Knock yourself out, kid.
Office Dangers
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. Really? Is this a new TikTok trend? Chewing on a pencil is, evidently, much safer.
What I Didn’t Know
Barbie and Ken broke up in 2004. Luckily, they got back in 2011. Dolls break up? Who else are they going to date? A stuffed bear? A unicorn? Is he Kardashian Ken? And was GI Joe the lawyer?
Human Tricks
It’s impossible to lick your own elbow. Go ahead, I’ll wait. And why did you even try? I just told you it was impossible.
Weird Records
One man set a world record by putting on 260 T-shirts all at once. First off, it’s just not a good look and he was probably hot by the time he was done. And how did he ever think that up that to begin with? “Here, hold my beer.”
Eating Healthy?
3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second. This has to be by guys in the army.
A Snail Can Sleep for 3 Years
I’m in!
Women aren’t the Weaker Sex
Women have more tastebuds than men and we can see more colors than they can. That’s why we fight over the color of paint for the living room. Obviously, we have more taste.
Where Did it Go?
The average American spends about 2.5 days a year looking for lost items. That’s an example of, “Where’s my phone?” while you’re talking on it. I think we spend a month a year walking into a room and saying, “Why am I here?”
Get your Hunting License First
You can’t hunt camels in Arizona. They have camels in Arizona? Is this a solution for the drought?
Condiments
Ketchup was used medicinally in the early1800s. Hope it came with French Fries. And Salsa would have probably worked better for what ails you.
Streaming
In 2016, Mozart sold more CDs than Beyonce. I bet that made her mad.
Perfect Pitch?
Most car horns are in the key of “F.” Why? I’m pretty sure if you must honk at another driver there’s a word beginning with “F” you are singing in your car.
Funny Money
More Monopoly money is printed in a year than real money throughout the world. I just wish my bank would let me deposit it.
Traffic Woes
The average person spends eight months of their life sitting at red lights. And that would be why I moved to the country.
See, I taught you something this week. Well maybe not, so why not try licking your elbow again?
Women Blink Nearly Twice as Much as Men
The only reason I can think why this is true is because women flirt. We bat our eyelashes. Is that blinking? Well, I think so. Or could it be your mascara?
Edgar Allen Poe
He married his 13-year-old cousin. That’s so wrong on so many levels and I guess that’s why all his writing was pretty weird, quote the raven, “Nevermore.”
Sloths
These odd creatures can hold their breath longer than dolphins can. But they’re not in the water, so what’s the point of that? I know, “Mom I’m going to hold my breath until I turn blue.” Knock yourself out, kid.
Office Dangers
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. Really? Is this a new TikTok trend? Chewing on a pencil is, evidently, much safer.
What I Didn’t Know
Barbie and Ken broke up in 2004. Luckily, they got back in 2011. Dolls break up? Who else are they going to date? A stuffed bear? A unicorn? Is he Kardashian Ken? And was GI Joe the lawyer?
Human Tricks
It’s impossible to lick your own elbow. Go ahead, I’ll wait. And why did you even try? I just told you it was impossible.
Weird Records
One man set a world record by putting on 260 T-shirts all at once. First off, it’s just not a good look and he was probably hot by the time he was done. And how did he ever think that up that to begin with? “Here, hold my beer.”
Eating Healthy?
3.6 cans of Spam are consumed each second. This has to be by guys in the army.
A Snail Can Sleep for 3 Years
I’m in!
Women aren’t the Weaker Sex
Women have more tastebuds than men and we can see more colors than they can. That’s why we fight over the color of paint for the living room. Obviously, we have more taste.
Where Did it Go?
The average American spends about 2.5 days a year looking for lost items. That’s an example of, “Where’s my phone?” while you’re talking on it. I think we spend a month a year walking into a room and saying, “Why am I here?”
Get your Hunting License First
You can’t hunt camels in Arizona. They have camels in Arizona? Is this a solution for the drought?
Condiments
Ketchup was used medicinally in the early1800s. Hope it came with French Fries. And Salsa would have probably worked better for what ails you.
Streaming
In 2016, Mozart sold more CDs than Beyonce. I bet that made her mad.
Perfect Pitch?
Most car horns are in the key of “F.” Why? I’m pretty sure if you must honk at another driver there’s a word beginning with “F” you are singing in your car.
Funny Money
More Monopoly money is printed in a year than real money throughout the world. I just wish my bank would let me deposit it.
Traffic Woes
The average person spends eight months of their life sitting at red lights. And that would be why I moved to the country.
See, I taught you something this week. Well maybe not, so why not try licking your elbow again?