Download & Print
July 27, 2023
Growing Old
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Yes, I’m still alive. But it was a heck of a July. There were a series of hospital visits and another surgery for My Bionic Future Husband. You know, after a certain age, things just tend to fall apart. How’s that right knee doing?
But rather than discuss war wounds, let’s try and get some positivity going. What’s so good about getting old, anyway?
Senior Discounts
Admit it. You’ve got your AARP card and, lately, you’ve been perusing the discounts, now haven’t you? AARP’s website is a lot easier to use than the HEB app where you can scan coupons. I can’t ever get it to work so is that discrimination against old people? I need to call AARP.
Stop Keeping Up with Technology
I “do” Facebook. My brain can’t handle any more passwords than that. My memory is full. And I can’t type long messages in text on my phone, only my iPad. Evidently, besides your ears and nose that continue to grow, so do your fingers.
You Can Retire
To where? My second home in Aspen? Actually, retirement means you are busier than ever, and you have to watch the grandkids all the time. Grandchildren are wonderful until they wear you out. And then, they must go home so you can take a retirement nap.
Stop Caring About What Others Think
Now this one I like. Why should I worry about those pesky extra 20 pounds? I don’t care what you think. Of course, I care about those pounds when I head into my closet and see my three dress sizes, all dedicated to that running 20 pounds of gain and loss. I guess I should quit caring about what I think.
Dressing For Comfort
Now, this one’s my favorite. It gives me permission to ditch my bra whenever I find the need because I no longer care what people think and I do want to make them laugh, so there’s that.
Moving Less Frequently
This helps you when you retire, because then you can start going through all your “stuff” and not leave it to torture your children unless, of course, you want to. If you do, I’d suggest watching episodes of “The Hoarder.”
Volunteer
This is the best of all the options. Can’t stand one more minute at home waiting on the Mr.? Volunteer! For Meals on Wheels, of course. Then you can see where you’ll be in 20 years or less. You’ll feel much better about yourself, and you’ll be prepared for the inevitable.
9:30 Bedtime
Or earlier, depending on if you actually did anything today. I was always an early riser and loved watching the sun come up. Now my favorite time of the day is when I get horizontal in our bed at night. No better way to rest weary bones and I can barely hear the snores anymore.
Fewer Major Life Decisions to Make
You’re retired! The only Major Life decisions you need to make are things like, “Should I really sign up for AARP?” Or “Will I live to see a robot that can clean my house?” Luckily A.I. can ruin the coming generations, not mine.
Looks Aren’t Everything
Trust me, have you looked at your knees lately? How about the scale? All you can wear are flats? What are those lines you grew all over your face? Nah, looks aren’t everything.
Your Sense of Humor Gets Better with Age
And that’s why you keep laughing at me. You’ve got a keen sense of humor and you think I’m funny even though I’m not supposed to care what you think.
But rather than discuss war wounds, let’s try and get some positivity going. What’s so good about getting old, anyway?
Senior Discounts
Admit it. You’ve got your AARP card and, lately, you’ve been perusing the discounts, now haven’t you? AARP’s website is a lot easier to use than the HEB app where you can scan coupons. I can’t ever get it to work so is that discrimination against old people? I need to call AARP.
Stop Keeping Up with Technology
I “do” Facebook. My brain can’t handle any more passwords than that. My memory is full. And I can’t type long messages in text on my phone, only my iPad. Evidently, besides your ears and nose that continue to grow, so do your fingers.
You Can Retire
To where? My second home in Aspen? Actually, retirement means you are busier than ever, and you have to watch the grandkids all the time. Grandchildren are wonderful until they wear you out. And then, they must go home so you can take a retirement nap.
Stop Caring About What Others Think
Now this one I like. Why should I worry about those pesky extra 20 pounds? I don’t care what you think. Of course, I care about those pounds when I head into my closet and see my three dress sizes, all dedicated to that running 20 pounds of gain and loss. I guess I should quit caring about what I think.
Dressing For Comfort
Now, this one’s my favorite. It gives me permission to ditch my bra whenever I find the need because I no longer care what people think and I do want to make them laugh, so there’s that.
Moving Less Frequently
This helps you when you retire, because then you can start going through all your “stuff” and not leave it to torture your children unless, of course, you want to. If you do, I’d suggest watching episodes of “The Hoarder.”
Volunteer
This is the best of all the options. Can’t stand one more minute at home waiting on the Mr.? Volunteer! For Meals on Wheels, of course. Then you can see where you’ll be in 20 years or less. You’ll feel much better about yourself, and you’ll be prepared for the inevitable.
9:30 Bedtime
Or earlier, depending on if you actually did anything today. I was always an early riser and loved watching the sun come up. Now my favorite time of the day is when I get horizontal in our bed at night. No better way to rest weary bones and I can barely hear the snores anymore.
Fewer Major Life Decisions to Make
You’re retired! The only Major Life decisions you need to make are things like, “Should I really sign up for AARP?” Or “Will I live to see a robot that can clean my house?” Luckily A.I. can ruin the coming generations, not mine.
Looks Aren’t Everything
Trust me, have you looked at your knees lately? How about the scale? All you can wear are flats? What are those lines you grew all over your face? Nah, looks aren’t everything.
Your Sense of Humor Gets Better with Age
And that’s why you keep laughing at me. You’ve got a keen sense of humor and you think I’m funny even though I’m not supposed to care what you think.