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December 15, 2023
Holiday Traditions?
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
We have a new holiday tradition here at the Ranch. Slap up the pre-lit Christmas tree and don’t even bother with any decorations. I’d like to call out the newest member of our family, who started this tradition by climbing the tree as many times a day as a kitten possibly can. I’m beginning to think this mini-feline likes to be spanked.
Since I have more time on my hands because I don’t have to decorate the tree, it got me to thinking. I know, scary stuff. Anyway, I wondered what weird Christmas traditions are out there in the world. After some winter surfing, I come armed with tales that will make you the talk of the table at Christmas dinner. You might even get your very own turkey leg.
Deep Fried Christmas
Though Christmas is not as big in Japan, it’s bigger than it used to be. In the 1970s, when Kentucky Fried Chicken burst on the scene in Japan, they started an ad campaign (where’s the beef?) that established eating a big old bucket of KFC for Christmas dinner. It’s gotten so big over there, special orders are placed months in advance. I guess this is what happens to people who eat sushi; they just really want something battered up and fried.
Legend of the Spider
Hey, if you’re afraid of spiders, Ukraine is not for you. As the story goes, a poor old widow (it’s never a rich one) and her sad children grew a Christmas tree from a pinecone. They brought it inside the house for Christmas, but they were so poor, they had no money for ornaments for their tree. Luckily, while they were all asleep, the Magic Christmas Spiders decorated the tree with webs that all turned into gold and silver. Maybe now you won’t be so afraid of spiders.
Vegetarian Christmas
In Mexico, one town celebrates The Night of the Radishes which, frankly, sounds like a horror movie to me. Anyway, there’s a huge radish carving competition. See, this town grows the radishes but then nukes them with lots of chemicals, so the radishes get really huge, and are easy to carve into things like, oh I don’t know, a Nativity Scene. Everyone just stares at these works of art until they wilt, which doesn’t take long. Then everyone goes home and probably feasts on Rabbit Stew. Get it?
A Pinch of Italy
This one’s my very favorite, because Christmas is celebrated with a wine drinking witch. I can’t believe I’ve never been to Italy. Anyway, on Jan. 5, after Christmas, La Befana (the wine witch) comes to town. You must leave a glass of wine and some sausages for her so she will come down the chimney on her broom. She had been invited to go with the Three Wisemen to visit the Baby Jesus (I assume she was bringing the wine), but she turned down the invitation, so now, for eternity, she must bring gifts to all the good children of Italy. Obviously, there is no Dry January in Italy, and I’m pretty sure three drunk best friends came up with this tradition. I swear, I am not making this up.
So, there you have it. Maybe an old gray-haired man zipping down the chimney while his reindeer wait on the roof and don’t eat all your plants sounds pretty normal to me.
The only question left is what weird new wine-inspired Christmas tradition are you going to start this year? Whatever it is, have a very Merry Christmas!
Since I have more time on my hands because I don’t have to decorate the tree, it got me to thinking. I know, scary stuff. Anyway, I wondered what weird Christmas traditions are out there in the world. After some winter surfing, I come armed with tales that will make you the talk of the table at Christmas dinner. You might even get your very own turkey leg.
Deep Fried Christmas
Though Christmas is not as big in Japan, it’s bigger than it used to be. In the 1970s, when Kentucky Fried Chicken burst on the scene in Japan, they started an ad campaign (where’s the beef?) that established eating a big old bucket of KFC for Christmas dinner. It’s gotten so big over there, special orders are placed months in advance. I guess this is what happens to people who eat sushi; they just really want something battered up and fried.
Legend of the Spider
Hey, if you’re afraid of spiders, Ukraine is not for you. As the story goes, a poor old widow (it’s never a rich one) and her sad children grew a Christmas tree from a pinecone. They brought it inside the house for Christmas, but they were so poor, they had no money for ornaments for their tree. Luckily, while they were all asleep, the Magic Christmas Spiders decorated the tree with webs that all turned into gold and silver. Maybe now you won’t be so afraid of spiders.
Vegetarian Christmas
In Mexico, one town celebrates The Night of the Radishes which, frankly, sounds like a horror movie to me. Anyway, there’s a huge radish carving competition. See, this town grows the radishes but then nukes them with lots of chemicals, so the radishes get really huge, and are easy to carve into things like, oh I don’t know, a Nativity Scene. Everyone just stares at these works of art until they wilt, which doesn’t take long. Then everyone goes home and probably feasts on Rabbit Stew. Get it?
A Pinch of Italy
This one’s my very favorite, because Christmas is celebrated with a wine drinking witch. I can’t believe I’ve never been to Italy. Anyway, on Jan. 5, after Christmas, La Befana (the wine witch) comes to town. You must leave a glass of wine and some sausages for her so she will come down the chimney on her broom. She had been invited to go with the Three Wisemen to visit the Baby Jesus (I assume she was bringing the wine), but she turned down the invitation, so now, for eternity, she must bring gifts to all the good children of Italy. Obviously, there is no Dry January in Italy, and I’m pretty sure three drunk best friends came up with this tradition. I swear, I am not making this up.
So, there you have it. Maybe an old gray-haired man zipping down the chimney while his reindeer wait on the roof and don’t eat all your plants sounds pretty normal to me.
The only question left is what weird new wine-inspired Christmas tradition are you going to start this year? Whatever it is, have a very Merry Christmas!