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May 23, 2024
Memorial Day Random Thoughts
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
The three-day weekend announcing Summer’s start (meaning the arrival of the evil 100s in South Texas) is upon us and anyway you slice it, we get an extra day off to relax. Unless you have guests and then it turns into the Martha and Snoop Dog cooking extravaganza.
Honoring the Military
We have an odd way of celebrating our military. We either grill or paint the spare bedroom. Back in the days when I could actually lift a paint roller up to the ceiling, and I was planning a Memorial Day project, I’d always put up a small American flag in the room, so the whole thing seemed much more patriotic. Today, we grill and don’t put a flag near the grill because, well you know, fire.
Three-Day Plans
You either travel somewhere for a vacation where you eat too much, or you stay home, grill and eat too much. So why waste the gas? We’re sticking with the grill because we refuse to do any more Extreme Gardening around here. Fall will be here before you know it, yeah right, so we can pick up our projects then, armed with loppers and a fresh bottle of Aleve.
Shop Carefully
If you wait till the last minute to grab some Baby Back Ribs or a Brisket, be prepared to fight. This is usually when men crowd the cooler, and you shoulder the brunt of the chaos. Guys, hit the prepared foods section. You can have all the institutional potato salad you can carry, just leave those ribs for me.
What Kind of Buns?
Is it burgers? Seeded buns, please. Is it hotdogs? Mustard and salty chips please because no food ever has calories on a holiday. It’s scientifically proven by the brainiacs that have also told you not to drink more than 3 glasses of wine in a week. What are they thinking? Hot dogs always taste better with a good Chardonnay. Anything tastes better after a couple of glasses of wine, come to think of it.
Take a Trip Around the Neighborhood
It’s the perfect weekend to take all your extra homegrown squash and zucchini and throw it in the back seat of any unlocked car you see. Or, if the windows are down, you can just do a simple pitch it drive-by. The victim will never know who did the deed, but they won’t mind because they just got free vegetables.
Don’t Have Company
That way you don’t have to clean the house, shave your legs, or wear a bra. Now that’s what I call a nice vacation. Luckily, My Future Husband needs glasses to see. Funny how they keep coming up missing.
Watch the Hummers
Do hummingbirds ever calm down? Can they fall asleep? Wouldn’t a hummingbird be a great spokesperson for ZzzQuil? Better than an insurance emu any day.
Wildlife
Very Best Friend has an app that identifies all the birds in the area by their song. I’m not sure about the app, because I’ve never heard of a red-throated warbling tufted Robin Batface before, but I sure would like to see a George Clooney Batman around here. I’m going to use the app this weekend; let’s just hope it doesn’t make all the vultures in the county mad. Who knows, we might end up on their grill.
But, Seriously
Thank you to all who have honorably served our country in the military. You’ve risked your lives to keep the rest of us safe and ready to celebrate another Memorial Day any way we choose. God Bless all who have served, including My Future Husband and family. Now, get grilling!
Honoring the Military
We have an odd way of celebrating our military. We either grill or paint the spare bedroom. Back in the days when I could actually lift a paint roller up to the ceiling, and I was planning a Memorial Day project, I’d always put up a small American flag in the room, so the whole thing seemed much more patriotic. Today, we grill and don’t put a flag near the grill because, well you know, fire.
Three-Day Plans
You either travel somewhere for a vacation where you eat too much, or you stay home, grill and eat too much. So why waste the gas? We’re sticking with the grill because we refuse to do any more Extreme Gardening around here. Fall will be here before you know it, yeah right, so we can pick up our projects then, armed with loppers and a fresh bottle of Aleve.
Shop Carefully
If you wait till the last minute to grab some Baby Back Ribs or a Brisket, be prepared to fight. This is usually when men crowd the cooler, and you shoulder the brunt of the chaos. Guys, hit the prepared foods section. You can have all the institutional potato salad you can carry, just leave those ribs for me.
What Kind of Buns?
Is it burgers? Seeded buns, please. Is it hotdogs? Mustard and salty chips please because no food ever has calories on a holiday. It’s scientifically proven by the brainiacs that have also told you not to drink more than 3 glasses of wine in a week. What are they thinking? Hot dogs always taste better with a good Chardonnay. Anything tastes better after a couple of glasses of wine, come to think of it.
Take a Trip Around the Neighborhood
It’s the perfect weekend to take all your extra homegrown squash and zucchini and throw it in the back seat of any unlocked car you see. Or, if the windows are down, you can just do a simple pitch it drive-by. The victim will never know who did the deed, but they won’t mind because they just got free vegetables.
Don’t Have Company
That way you don’t have to clean the house, shave your legs, or wear a bra. Now that’s what I call a nice vacation. Luckily, My Future Husband needs glasses to see. Funny how they keep coming up missing.
Watch the Hummers
Do hummingbirds ever calm down? Can they fall asleep? Wouldn’t a hummingbird be a great spokesperson for ZzzQuil? Better than an insurance emu any day.
Wildlife
Very Best Friend has an app that identifies all the birds in the area by their song. I’m not sure about the app, because I’ve never heard of a red-throated warbling tufted Robin Batface before, but I sure would like to see a George Clooney Batman around here. I’m going to use the app this weekend; let’s just hope it doesn’t make all the vultures in the county mad. Who knows, we might end up on their grill.
But, Seriously
Thank you to all who have honorably served our country in the military. You’ve risked your lives to keep the rest of us safe and ready to celebrate another Memorial Day any way we choose. God Bless all who have served, including My Future Husband and family. Now, get grilling!