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June 6, 2024
Another Big One
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
When another “significant” birthday is on the horizon, one must call their Very Best Friend to help answer the age-old question, “Aren’t we old enough to just ignore birthdays now?” The answer, my friend, is always in the eyes of the beholder, whether she’s already had cataract surgery or not.
Very Best Friend and I have been attached at the hip since we were both 21. There were the first few years of total flirtatious debauchery which I believe cemented our bond to continue through all these years with support, laughs, cries and all that other stuff that happens when you desperately need your VBF to help get you through life.
We are both the same age though luckily, I am three and a half months younger, so for a split second I am younger than she is, which makes me cocky until I realize I can no longer do deep knee bends without calling the fire department to get me up off the floor.
Of late, we’ve both have the same thing on our minds – how to celebrate the next big birthday milestone, so I called VBF to discuss.
ME: Ok, you’re up first. How are we going to celebrate your big day?
VBF: Well, I was thinking about a Spa Weekend party for my girlfriends, but really, going to the Spa is getting depressing. I even had a new masseuse ask me if I needed the Old Lady Special where they don’t push so hard when they massage you because they’re afraid you’ll sue for bodily harm.
ME: Yeah, it takes me three days and half a bottle of Aleve to heal from an over-zealous massager. And a Mani Pedi doesn’t last long on a gardener unless you get dirt colored nail polish.
So, the Spa Day is out. Of course, things like sky diving and flying in a hot air balloon won’t work because we’re both afraid of heights, broken bones and not getting our monthly Social Security Checks because we’re, well, dead.
As for now, we’re stuck on her celebration. I’ve got a much easier birthday as mine falls on Halloween, and I’ve had many a Halloween birthday party in my life. I’m considering throwing a birthday party where everyone dresses up like they were 25 again and I’ll ply them with enough liquor, so they actually feel like it. The trouble with that plan is I can hardly recognize all my old friends now, so having them dress up in costumes could really confuse this old brain. And nobody really needs that much candy anymore.
Since My Future Husband and I were both born on Halloween, that adds an extra wrinkle to my celebration because it is supposed to be all about me, you know. Maybe I’ll rent a cute young cowboy and try and pass him off as MFH, though won’t he just make me look that much older?
I know birthdays are precious, because so many never live to a ripe old age. But the presents our bodies keep giving us keep us wondering. VBF and I now measure our lives by what we can’t do: heels are out, flats are in. Heart monitors are fashion wear and heavy dangling earrings give us both headaches.
Maybe we could just have birthday gatherings where we sit around and listen to birds, talk about surgeries, and call it good by 8 p.m. Nobody likes to drive in the dark anymore. If any of you out there have had a wonderful “big one” birthday, we are open for suggestions. For now, it’s just another milestone to make it to 100, when we can do or say anything we want. And that suits us both very well.
Very Best Friend and I have been attached at the hip since we were both 21. There were the first few years of total flirtatious debauchery which I believe cemented our bond to continue through all these years with support, laughs, cries and all that other stuff that happens when you desperately need your VBF to help get you through life.
We are both the same age though luckily, I am three and a half months younger, so for a split second I am younger than she is, which makes me cocky until I realize I can no longer do deep knee bends without calling the fire department to get me up off the floor.
Of late, we’ve both have the same thing on our minds – how to celebrate the next big birthday milestone, so I called VBF to discuss.
ME: Ok, you’re up first. How are we going to celebrate your big day?
VBF: Well, I was thinking about a Spa Weekend party for my girlfriends, but really, going to the Spa is getting depressing. I even had a new masseuse ask me if I needed the Old Lady Special where they don’t push so hard when they massage you because they’re afraid you’ll sue for bodily harm.
ME: Yeah, it takes me three days and half a bottle of Aleve to heal from an over-zealous massager. And a Mani Pedi doesn’t last long on a gardener unless you get dirt colored nail polish.
So, the Spa Day is out. Of course, things like sky diving and flying in a hot air balloon won’t work because we’re both afraid of heights, broken bones and not getting our monthly Social Security Checks because we’re, well, dead.
As for now, we’re stuck on her celebration. I’ve got a much easier birthday as mine falls on Halloween, and I’ve had many a Halloween birthday party in my life. I’m considering throwing a birthday party where everyone dresses up like they were 25 again and I’ll ply them with enough liquor, so they actually feel like it. The trouble with that plan is I can hardly recognize all my old friends now, so having them dress up in costumes could really confuse this old brain. And nobody really needs that much candy anymore.
Since My Future Husband and I were both born on Halloween, that adds an extra wrinkle to my celebration because it is supposed to be all about me, you know. Maybe I’ll rent a cute young cowboy and try and pass him off as MFH, though won’t he just make me look that much older?
I know birthdays are precious, because so many never live to a ripe old age. But the presents our bodies keep giving us keep us wondering. VBF and I now measure our lives by what we can’t do: heels are out, flats are in. Heart monitors are fashion wear and heavy dangling earrings give us both headaches.
Maybe we could just have birthday gatherings where we sit around and listen to birds, talk about surgeries, and call it good by 8 p.m. Nobody likes to drive in the dark anymore. If any of you out there have had a wonderful “big one” birthday, we are open for suggestions. For now, it’s just another milestone to make it to 100, when we can do or say anything we want. And that suits us both very well.