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April 4, 2025
Driven Crazy
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
You’ve heard me complain about drug commercials that make you want to take all their drugs even though they have serious side effects. But no worry because those prescriptions make you sing and dance. My question isn’t about singing and dancing. It’s more of an age-old question. Why do car dealers always scream at us?
My first car dealership introduction was when I was in sixth grade. Dearly Demanded Mom always dragged me anywhere there was free food. Luckily, a new car dealership was opening only 25 minutes away. And DDM would drive that far for a free hot dog.
So, off we went to a Chevy dealership for free hot dogs and entertainment which was Mark Wilson, a local magician who could keep the kids entertained while they put the hard push on selling our mamas new cars. But back then, they needed the husband’s signature, too. Just a fool’s paradise.
But the tomfoolery has never stopped.
I signed up for a loan at Sears & Robuck Credit Union to buy my first car. Joe the Pro was on the road traveling so DDM went to the car dealership to help me find a cute white Buick Century with red leather interior. A young girl’s dream. Luckily an old lady had only driven it to church on Sundays…
And the dealers kept working on me. I bought a yellow Toyota Corolla with a stick shift (which I did not know how to drive) just because the salesman was cute.
The next Toyota I bought was because Very Best Friend had the hots for the salesman. My car purchase came with smoke colored T-Tops. Trust me, if you know what I’m talking about, you know how evil T-Tops were. VBF's relationship was long gone, but my T-Tops were still there burning up a Texas Girl in August.
Luckily, or maybe not, Dearly Departed Husband loved to go to car dealerships to make the “big deal,” which caused me to eat way too many free donuts while they played their mind games.
I’m kinda anti-car dealership.
When I heard about that car company that just shows up and plops a car in your driveway, I thought, “Wow. Don’t have to deal with pushy salesmen anymore!” And then I realized if I hadn’t driven the car, well, I wasn’t buying. I live out in the middle of nowhere, after all.
I avoid car dealerships unless I’ve been drinking. The last salesman that sold me a car was kind enough to show me the secret compartment to keep my gun. Instead, I filled it up with way too many Whataburger napkins and extra packets of ketchup.
Maybe it’s too many singing drug commercials, but lately I’ve noticed the car dealers have gone a bit nuts. They love to SCREAM at you because well, really, I don’t know why. I never dated guys who screamed at me, much less bought a car from one.
At least I thought so until I saw the latest TV ad from a man so desperate to sell you a 4X4 double decker slate gray fully equipped giant truck that can run your computer, change its own oil and has a GPS so smart it can tell you how to get out of all the mud your monster truck is stuck in.
The problem was – this dealership owner was dressed up like Elvis; wig, sparkles and hairy chest to boot. I did not know they made chest hair extensions for Elvis wannabes. I’m certain his wife has already left him because his TV commercial has left her All Shook Up.
My first car dealership introduction was when I was in sixth grade. Dearly Demanded Mom always dragged me anywhere there was free food. Luckily, a new car dealership was opening only 25 minutes away. And DDM would drive that far for a free hot dog.
So, off we went to a Chevy dealership for free hot dogs and entertainment which was Mark Wilson, a local magician who could keep the kids entertained while they put the hard push on selling our mamas new cars. But back then, they needed the husband’s signature, too. Just a fool’s paradise.
But the tomfoolery has never stopped.
I signed up for a loan at Sears & Robuck Credit Union to buy my first car. Joe the Pro was on the road traveling so DDM went to the car dealership to help me find a cute white Buick Century with red leather interior. A young girl’s dream. Luckily an old lady had only driven it to church on Sundays…
And the dealers kept working on me. I bought a yellow Toyota Corolla with a stick shift (which I did not know how to drive) just because the salesman was cute.
The next Toyota I bought was because Very Best Friend had the hots for the salesman. My car purchase came with smoke colored T-Tops. Trust me, if you know what I’m talking about, you know how evil T-Tops were. VBF's relationship was long gone, but my T-Tops were still there burning up a Texas Girl in August.
Luckily, or maybe not, Dearly Departed Husband loved to go to car dealerships to make the “big deal,” which caused me to eat way too many free donuts while they played their mind games.
I’m kinda anti-car dealership.
When I heard about that car company that just shows up and plops a car in your driveway, I thought, “Wow. Don’t have to deal with pushy salesmen anymore!” And then I realized if I hadn’t driven the car, well, I wasn’t buying. I live out in the middle of nowhere, after all.
I avoid car dealerships unless I’ve been drinking. The last salesman that sold me a car was kind enough to show me the secret compartment to keep my gun. Instead, I filled it up with way too many Whataburger napkins and extra packets of ketchup.
Maybe it’s too many singing drug commercials, but lately I’ve noticed the car dealers have gone a bit nuts. They love to SCREAM at you because well, really, I don’t know why. I never dated guys who screamed at me, much less bought a car from one.
At least I thought so until I saw the latest TV ad from a man so desperate to sell you a 4X4 double decker slate gray fully equipped giant truck that can run your computer, change its own oil and has a GPS so smart it can tell you how to get out of all the mud your monster truck is stuck in.
The problem was – this dealership owner was dressed up like Elvis; wig, sparkles and hairy chest to boot. I did not know they made chest hair extensions for Elvis wannabes. I’m certain his wife has already left him because his TV commercial has left her All Shook Up.