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June 5, 2025
Some Summer Random Thoughts
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Frankly, my brain is fried from all the humidity and heat. Why does that matter to you? Because I’m having extra weird Random Thoughts. I think my brain is sweating.
Catastrophe
The other day, My Future Husband lost his phone. He hadn’t done that lately, so I decided to help him find it. Calling wasn’t an option because his battery was dead. That’s a man for you. A woman never dares to miss a call. It could be a child in trouble, some hot juicy gossip or a scammer who, in fact, is actually the King of Siam and he has cash.
I decided to try out technology and use Find My Phone. I hear that’s a thing which two old people truly need. I commanded his iPad, “App thingy, find MFH’s phone. It’s dead and needs mouth to mouth resuscitation.” Within an AI second, the route popped up on the iPad and it was either right up the hill a few paces or possibly it had already run away to the closest charging station.
In my glee to follow the iPad map, I turned to go outside and stepped directly on Sammy the Siamese Terrorist which propelled me, headfirst, into our leather chair. I’m okay, though I tend to limp now. And yes, we were technology savvy and managed to find said phone. I stayed upright the whole time.
Don’t Look Back
I’m so confused. It’s all the Morton Salt girl’s fault. Growing up, I was innocent. I used Morton’s Salt for everything. Then some salt-addicted chef decided who decided we needed a little white bowl of salt to throw on his recipes with abandonment, saying, “Just a pinch up salt.” Dude, is that a shake, a teaspoon and, come to think of it, how can you throw Morton’s salt around like that?
And then those fancy chefs started using weird salt in their recipes. “Either use Himalayan Pink Sea Salt or fine Kosher Salt.” What? Jewish salt? Do they even sell that at the grocery store? Of course they do, as well as 367 other kinds. Pepper and peppercorns. Pepper has some sense.
So armed with a small bowl, I went on a Salt Quest hoping to pick the right one so I could be like a fancy chef and oversalt everything. Also, there’s recipes that demand this or that type of salt. To date I own the following: Course Sea Salt, Natural Sea Salt from Utah’s Great Sale Lake, Mediterranean Sea Salt, Course Kosher Salt, Fine Sea Salt, a Sea Salt Grinder, Kosher Baking Salt, Himalayan Pink Sea Salt, Australian Sea Salt, Rock Salt and Ice Cream Salt. I’m a salty old gal.
Can You Hear Me Now?
I’m a Bluetooth girl. I want my hands free to do stuff while I talk endlessly on the phone to the King of Siam. The Bluetooth I had forever decided it was time to retire, so I was forced to peruse Prime in Search of a new one. And the one I found hates me. It refuses to answer in a timely manner and if I dare to scratch my head it turns off. The bad news is that I hate it, but the good news is I lost it, so I am forced to hold my phone to my ear. I hope it builds my arm muscles.
One Last Thought
How many of you have hit that little microphone on text messages and realized that you just recorded half an episode of Wheel of Fortune, violating all copyright laws? Maybe the King of Siam can keep me out of prison.
Catastrophe
The other day, My Future Husband lost his phone. He hadn’t done that lately, so I decided to help him find it. Calling wasn’t an option because his battery was dead. That’s a man for you. A woman never dares to miss a call. It could be a child in trouble, some hot juicy gossip or a scammer who, in fact, is actually the King of Siam and he has cash.
I decided to try out technology and use Find My Phone. I hear that’s a thing which two old people truly need. I commanded his iPad, “App thingy, find MFH’s phone. It’s dead and needs mouth to mouth resuscitation.” Within an AI second, the route popped up on the iPad and it was either right up the hill a few paces or possibly it had already run away to the closest charging station.
In my glee to follow the iPad map, I turned to go outside and stepped directly on Sammy the Siamese Terrorist which propelled me, headfirst, into our leather chair. I’m okay, though I tend to limp now. And yes, we were technology savvy and managed to find said phone. I stayed upright the whole time.
Don’t Look Back
I’m so confused. It’s all the Morton Salt girl’s fault. Growing up, I was innocent. I used Morton’s Salt for everything. Then some salt-addicted chef decided who decided we needed a little white bowl of salt to throw on his recipes with abandonment, saying, “Just a pinch up salt.” Dude, is that a shake, a teaspoon and, come to think of it, how can you throw Morton’s salt around like that?
And then those fancy chefs started using weird salt in their recipes. “Either use Himalayan Pink Sea Salt or fine Kosher Salt.” What? Jewish salt? Do they even sell that at the grocery store? Of course they do, as well as 367 other kinds. Pepper and peppercorns. Pepper has some sense.
So armed with a small bowl, I went on a Salt Quest hoping to pick the right one so I could be like a fancy chef and oversalt everything. Also, there’s recipes that demand this or that type of salt. To date I own the following: Course Sea Salt, Natural Sea Salt from Utah’s Great Sale Lake, Mediterranean Sea Salt, Course Kosher Salt, Fine Sea Salt, a Sea Salt Grinder, Kosher Baking Salt, Himalayan Pink Sea Salt, Australian Sea Salt, Rock Salt and Ice Cream Salt. I’m a salty old gal.
Can You Hear Me Now?
I’m a Bluetooth girl. I want my hands free to do stuff while I talk endlessly on the phone to the King of Siam. The Bluetooth I had forever decided it was time to retire, so I was forced to peruse Prime in Search of a new one. And the one I found hates me. It refuses to answer in a timely manner and if I dare to scratch my head it turns off. The bad news is that I hate it, but the good news is I lost it, so I am forced to hold my phone to my ear. I hope it builds my arm muscles.
One Last Thought
How many of you have hit that little microphone on text messages and realized that you just recorded half an episode of Wheel of Fortune, violating all copyright laws? Maybe the King of Siam can keep me out of prison.