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July 25, 2025
Gone Country
Crazy Christmas in July
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
While hiding in your house to avoid 100-degree days, why not do something useful? Hate panic buying Christmas presents in the middle of December? Park yourself on the couch and peruse my “sure to please” list of the weirdest presents out there. Shop away! If nothing else, you’ll give your family the gift of making fun of you behind your back.
I See
Many people like to wear Crocs. I have extra skinny feet so I can’t wear these “shoes” because I walk right out of them. But My Little Swimmer has 20 pairs in every style and color imaginable. She even has small stick-on decorations, so I’ve found the perfect gift for her and the other Crockers: Croc Headlights. I mean, you’ve got to see in the dark when you’re surrounded by crocodiles, right?
Merry Hair
Does your man have a big bushy beard? If he’s over 60, probably not though some men are just really hairy. For the bearded man in your life, why not give him a must have: Beardaments Beard Lights. They’re tiny little individual ornaments that he can hang on his beard. Some of them light up. Some of them don’t. Evidently, those are broken. Anyway, now he’ll be totally ready for all those holiday parties where he (I mean his beard) can get lit.
Let Go of My Legos
Now this is a present I’m waffeling over. It’s the infamous Building Brick Electric Waffle Maker. This non-stick waffle maker creates 14 unique brick shaped waffles. You can make houses! Forts! The Great Wall of China! I can only assume the maple syrup acts like sticky cement to holds all your creations together.
Another Fun Hair Thing
For this present, you really need to have at least one cat who’s shedding profusely. After brushing your cat (longhaired preferred) keep all the cat hair because you can make “Crafts with Cat Hair!” This easy-to-follow guide is purrfect for making finger puppets, picture frames, totes and more! Maybe a fake beard to hang ornaments on?
South Texas Pick
We’ve all got an addiction to Mexican food. Enchiladas, Guacamole and a good old Taco Party. Unfortunately, those crispy taco shells can fall over and spill out all the good stuff. Never fear! The perfect gift is here – Dinosaur Taco Holders. Why not let a T-Rex hold your taco? I mean, he’s not going to eat it. Okay, maybe the lettuce, but at least you’ll never have to worry about a taco tragedy again.
Sing At the Top of Your Lungs
Don’t you love to crank up the radio and sing some tunes? The older we get, the harder it is to understand the lyrics, though when I was young, maybe I didn’t sing some of them right, much less understand them. Many road trip fights have broken out over song lyrics. But no worries, now you can have fun with “Mistaken Lyric Coasters.” Hopefully you will find one to prove to your VBF she’s been singing the song wrong for years.
I Need a Cleaning Lady
Not anymore. Just buy your cousin a pair of Mop Slippers. Walk and mop at the same time while you sing along with the wrong lyrics and enjoy creating Cat Hair Totes! Hey, maybe you’ll even mop up plenty more cat hair off the floor.
Whatever floats your boat. You need to buy now because these gems are sure to sell out. Oh, and Christmas is only 153 days away. Happy Shopping!
I See
Many people like to wear Crocs. I have extra skinny feet so I can’t wear these “shoes” because I walk right out of them. But My Little Swimmer has 20 pairs in every style and color imaginable. She even has small stick-on decorations, so I’ve found the perfect gift for her and the other Crockers: Croc Headlights. I mean, you’ve got to see in the dark when you’re surrounded by crocodiles, right?
Merry Hair
Does your man have a big bushy beard? If he’s over 60, probably not though some men are just really hairy. For the bearded man in your life, why not give him a must have: Beardaments Beard Lights. They’re tiny little individual ornaments that he can hang on his beard. Some of them light up. Some of them don’t. Evidently, those are broken. Anyway, now he’ll be totally ready for all those holiday parties where he (I mean his beard) can get lit.
Let Go of My Legos
Now this is a present I’m waffeling over. It’s the infamous Building Brick Electric Waffle Maker. This non-stick waffle maker creates 14 unique brick shaped waffles. You can make houses! Forts! The Great Wall of China! I can only assume the maple syrup acts like sticky cement to holds all your creations together.
Another Fun Hair Thing
For this present, you really need to have at least one cat who’s shedding profusely. After brushing your cat (longhaired preferred) keep all the cat hair because you can make “Crafts with Cat Hair!” This easy-to-follow guide is purrfect for making finger puppets, picture frames, totes and more! Maybe a fake beard to hang ornaments on?
South Texas Pick
We’ve all got an addiction to Mexican food. Enchiladas, Guacamole and a good old Taco Party. Unfortunately, those crispy taco shells can fall over and spill out all the good stuff. Never fear! The perfect gift is here – Dinosaur Taco Holders. Why not let a T-Rex hold your taco? I mean, he’s not going to eat it. Okay, maybe the lettuce, but at least you’ll never have to worry about a taco tragedy again.
Sing At the Top of Your Lungs
Don’t you love to crank up the radio and sing some tunes? The older we get, the harder it is to understand the lyrics, though when I was young, maybe I didn’t sing some of them right, much less understand them. Many road trip fights have broken out over song lyrics. But no worries, now you can have fun with “Mistaken Lyric Coasters.” Hopefully you will find one to prove to your VBF she’s been singing the song wrong for years.
I Need a Cleaning Lady
Not anymore. Just buy your cousin a pair of Mop Slippers. Walk and mop at the same time while you sing along with the wrong lyrics and enjoy creating Cat Hair Totes! Hey, maybe you’ll even mop up plenty more cat hair off the floor.
Whatever floats your boat. You need to buy now because these gems are sure to sell out. Oh, and Christmas is only 153 days away. Happy Shopping!