Download & Print
October 9, 2025
You're a real sport
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Fall means time for football, though some Saturdays I contract CFWO disease; College Football Worn Out. Rather than opting for another pill, I hit the changer and went searching for weird stuff. And boy did I score last weekend.
I found all sorts of weird athletic challenges on the tube. Luckily, most of them only lasted 30 minutes because by the time it was over, so was nap time. My very favorite was Swiss Stone Throwing coming straight from Sugarcreek, Ohio. I guess they sell lots of watches there. But let’s get to this exciting sport in a minute.
Besides Stone Throwing, there was another favorite, Mailboat Jumping. Mail Carriers train hard to compete for a spot on the historic Mailboat Team. They go out to the water where there’s a U.S. Postal Service Boat (guess they need ‘em in Maine) and that’s when all the fun begins. Each member of the team jumps off the moving boat onto the dock and back on the moving boat without falling in the water. So next time you see a wet Mail Carrier, you’ll know what happened.
One sport that intrigued me was Good Year Blimp Racing. I figured watching blimps would make me feel thinner. Of course, there was the National Bubble Gum Blowing Championship with very sticky competitors. Duel in the Depths was Chess Playing underwater which was just as boring as watching a chess match on land.
But back to the most exciting sport of all, Swiss Stone Throwing. The stone is actually a very large, heavy, misshapen rock that weighed more than your doctor would let you lift at our age. Each overly muscular, thick necked man had his own stone. Some talk to theirs. Some sleep with theirs so none of them probably date. They stand at the end of a cement slab with a sand alleyway of sorts, lift the giant stone over their head, run and throw the stone into the sand as far as possible. Evidently, it’s just not that easy to hold a 50-pound rock straight up over your head. Heck, My Future Husband can hardly lift a nightgown anymore.
After the contestant throws his stone, a large Swiss woman (or at least she’s dressed that way) takes her measuring tape and marks the spot with a flag. Then another huge guy comes up with a giant dolly and takes the rock back to its rightful thrower. Pure insanity.
But you know, the best part is the announcers:
ANCR 1: Well, Fritz, this isn’t going well for Lars. He dropped his stone.
ANCR 2: Yah, Sven, and he didn’t even kick his stone to find the sweet spot.
ANCR 1: Now here comes our leader, Adolf, he’s the record holder so far. I wonder how he will do
ANCR 2: Yah, here he goes. Wow! Look at his eyes, they are almost popping out of his head as he lifts that stone up. (Oh joy.) And the size of his neck! You could fry an egg on that thing!
I thought the Swiss liked beer and sausages. Anyway, after they put his eyeballs back in the sockets, Adolf won the whole thing. Everyone was so joyful and then they had a parade where all the guys and girls were dressed in lederhosen and such and danced to oompah bands.
But Fritz had the final words as they signed off, “Remember, keep throwing your stones!”
So next time you trip over a big rock in the Hill Country, it might just be because he’s asking you if he can sleep with you.
I found all sorts of weird athletic challenges on the tube. Luckily, most of them only lasted 30 minutes because by the time it was over, so was nap time. My very favorite was Swiss Stone Throwing coming straight from Sugarcreek, Ohio. I guess they sell lots of watches there. But let’s get to this exciting sport in a minute.
Besides Stone Throwing, there was another favorite, Mailboat Jumping. Mail Carriers train hard to compete for a spot on the historic Mailboat Team. They go out to the water where there’s a U.S. Postal Service Boat (guess they need ‘em in Maine) and that’s when all the fun begins. Each member of the team jumps off the moving boat onto the dock and back on the moving boat without falling in the water. So next time you see a wet Mail Carrier, you’ll know what happened.
One sport that intrigued me was Good Year Blimp Racing. I figured watching blimps would make me feel thinner. Of course, there was the National Bubble Gum Blowing Championship with very sticky competitors. Duel in the Depths was Chess Playing underwater which was just as boring as watching a chess match on land.
But back to the most exciting sport of all, Swiss Stone Throwing. The stone is actually a very large, heavy, misshapen rock that weighed more than your doctor would let you lift at our age. Each overly muscular, thick necked man had his own stone. Some talk to theirs. Some sleep with theirs so none of them probably date. They stand at the end of a cement slab with a sand alleyway of sorts, lift the giant stone over their head, run and throw the stone into the sand as far as possible. Evidently, it’s just not that easy to hold a 50-pound rock straight up over your head. Heck, My Future Husband can hardly lift a nightgown anymore.
After the contestant throws his stone, a large Swiss woman (or at least she’s dressed that way) takes her measuring tape and marks the spot with a flag. Then another huge guy comes up with a giant dolly and takes the rock back to its rightful thrower. Pure insanity.
But you know, the best part is the announcers:
ANCR 1: Well, Fritz, this isn’t going well for Lars. He dropped his stone.
ANCR 2: Yah, Sven, and he didn’t even kick his stone to find the sweet spot.
ANCR 1: Now here comes our leader, Adolf, he’s the record holder so far. I wonder how he will do
ANCR 2: Yah, here he goes. Wow! Look at his eyes, they are almost popping out of his head as he lifts that stone up. (Oh joy.) And the size of his neck! You could fry an egg on that thing!
I thought the Swiss liked beer and sausages. Anyway, after they put his eyeballs back in the sockets, Adolf won the whole thing. Everyone was so joyful and then they had a parade where all the guys and girls were dressed in lederhosen and such and danced to oompah bands.
But Fritz had the final words as they signed off, “Remember, keep throwing your stones!”
So next time you trip over a big rock in the Hill Country, it might just be because he’s asking you if he can sleep with you.