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November 23, 2025
The Random Thoughts of Fall
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Since I need to be sharp for Thanksgiving cooking next week, it’s time to sweep the bats out of the belfry (just how do you sweep bats?) and so, it’s time for more Random Thoughts.
Welcome to the Car Wash, Yeah
Out in the Hills, there aren’t carwashes around every corner. You are forced to go to the Medium Town to find a decent car shower. Personally, I have my favorite drive-thru car salon in the Big City. It’s the latest technology, which is part of the problem.
As you drive your vehicle into the wash, a Mean Sounding Man voice yells, “Pull in! Drive Forward! Drive Forward!! Back Up! Stop!!!” All his demands are a real whipping, I tell you. But just when you think you should make a run for it, a Sexy Speaking Lady voice whispers, “Bubble Wash being applied now. The next step is to spray the Pumpkin Spice Sealant and finish with the Rain Drop Rinse. My, how handsome you are.”
And I find that offensive. Why doesn’t the Mean Sounding Man talk like a cute fireman and tell me I’m shiny, beautiful and look 10 years younger? Why do men get the sexy babe? Is she into trucks? Obviously, I should never sit in my car unattended for more than 10 minutes.
A Writer’s Lament
Why do people use cutesy fonts now? (If you don’t know what a font is, skip to the next subject.) Writers need serious fonts. My Word default font is Comic Sans or something ridiculous. I may be silly, but I need a font with some weight to it. I use Times New Roman which I believe was discovered in Italy and brought back to the United States by the New York Times who started using it, so they called it Times New Roman as it had come from across the pond. Either that or somebody is trying to start a new Roman Empire.
Well, Now That’s a Caution
I pulled up at the light behind a beat-up old car that had stickers on both sides of the trunk and on the bumper. They all read the same:
Stay Back! Stick Shift!
May Roll Back!!!
I scanned for the “Student Driver” sign but instead saw a very old man sitting in the driver’s seat. Today’s kids don’t even know what a stick shift is, but at least they know how to stay back. Maybe this guy’s wife said, “Herbert, I’ll only let you drive the car is if you let everyone know it’s a dangerous stick shift.” Maybe you should take Herbert’s keys away instead, lady.
A New Shoe Fetish
Yes, I’m a shoe fanatic. What woman isn’t? Anyway, there were a few dire years recently when Very Best Friend and I had to admit that four-inch heels were no longer safe. Then we decided that maybe a one-inch heel wasn’t such a good idea either. We headed to the land of flats, which took some sorting out by negotiating with different shoes to see how soft the soles really were. Once that was all figured out, the most exciting thing happened. Now we both have flats in every color just like we did with heels! And our feet feel much better.
For those of you women still wearing heels, I’d suggest you up your intake of calcium. VBF and I aren’t taking any chances.
Okay, I guess my mind’s clear enough to cook a giant Thanksgiving Dinner in my flats. Maybe I’ll even talk sexy to my turkey when I give him his wash. I just have to remember that my turkey just might roll back.
Have a lovely Thanksgiving, dear Readers.
Welcome to the Car Wash, Yeah
Out in the Hills, there aren’t carwashes around every corner. You are forced to go to the Medium Town to find a decent car shower. Personally, I have my favorite drive-thru car salon in the Big City. It’s the latest technology, which is part of the problem.
As you drive your vehicle into the wash, a Mean Sounding Man voice yells, “Pull in! Drive Forward! Drive Forward!! Back Up! Stop!!!” All his demands are a real whipping, I tell you. But just when you think you should make a run for it, a Sexy Speaking Lady voice whispers, “Bubble Wash being applied now. The next step is to spray the Pumpkin Spice Sealant and finish with the Rain Drop Rinse. My, how handsome you are.”
And I find that offensive. Why doesn’t the Mean Sounding Man talk like a cute fireman and tell me I’m shiny, beautiful and look 10 years younger? Why do men get the sexy babe? Is she into trucks? Obviously, I should never sit in my car unattended for more than 10 minutes.
A Writer’s Lament
Why do people use cutesy fonts now? (If you don’t know what a font is, skip to the next subject.) Writers need serious fonts. My Word default font is Comic Sans or something ridiculous. I may be silly, but I need a font with some weight to it. I use Times New Roman which I believe was discovered in Italy and brought back to the United States by the New York Times who started using it, so they called it Times New Roman as it had come from across the pond. Either that or somebody is trying to start a new Roman Empire.
Well, Now That’s a Caution
I pulled up at the light behind a beat-up old car that had stickers on both sides of the trunk and on the bumper. They all read the same:
Stay Back! Stick Shift!
May Roll Back!!!
I scanned for the “Student Driver” sign but instead saw a very old man sitting in the driver’s seat. Today’s kids don’t even know what a stick shift is, but at least they know how to stay back. Maybe this guy’s wife said, “Herbert, I’ll only let you drive the car is if you let everyone know it’s a dangerous stick shift.” Maybe you should take Herbert’s keys away instead, lady.
A New Shoe Fetish
Yes, I’m a shoe fanatic. What woman isn’t? Anyway, there were a few dire years recently when Very Best Friend and I had to admit that four-inch heels were no longer safe. Then we decided that maybe a one-inch heel wasn’t such a good idea either. We headed to the land of flats, which took some sorting out by negotiating with different shoes to see how soft the soles really were. Once that was all figured out, the most exciting thing happened. Now we both have flats in every color just like we did with heels! And our feet feel much better.
For those of you women still wearing heels, I’d suggest you up your intake of calcium. VBF and I aren’t taking any chances.
Okay, I guess my mind’s clear enough to cook a giant Thanksgiving Dinner in my flats. Maybe I’ll even talk sexy to my turkey when I give him his wash. I just have to remember that my turkey just might roll back.
Have a lovely Thanksgiving, dear Readers.