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December 2, 2021
Holidaze
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Well, like it or not, the season is upon us. Personally, I dashed through November and then got hit smack in the face when I realized it was time to make merry and slap up the Christmas décor. And My Future Husband loves Christmas even more than I love Halloween, so he’s amassed quite a Hobby Lobby of Yuletide.
Since we didn’t host Thanksgiving this year, I announced, “We need to get a move on and get the Christmas decorations up! I’ve made a plan. Rather than move 40 boxes all at once, let’s get out the garland and lights and start with that.” My Future Husband smiled and said, “Let the holiday magic commence!”
We put garland up high on the walls (read step ladder) all around the living room and the dining room. Then he hangs lights on the garland, and I decorate it with poinsettias, bells and bows. We like it because it feels all “lodgey.” That’s my way of saying we nailed the Von Trapp Family Christmas.
Last year, we liked the look and feel so much, we left the garland and lights up until mid-February when half of the lights burned out. Our lodge turned into White Trash Central. Of course, we threw all of the broken lights away, but did I remember that a year later? Are you crazy? I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast. So, I had to make a mad dash to the Dollar Store for lights before my elf could proceed.
Evidently, my Future Christmas Elf thought all he was supposed to do was put up was garland and lights. A one-day job took him four days even though he’s retired. I finally gave up and finished putting up the lights during one of his “breaks.” At this rate, we’ll have the tree up on Christmas Eve.
And we’ve got other issues. There is Rod. He’s 8 months old now, but he still acts like he’s a 3-month-old monster kitten. I could see there was going to be trouble and this Christmas wouldn’t be “purrfect” without listening to a mother’s intuition. I sat my Future Christmas Elf down and said, “We need to talk. Your son (meaning Rod) is going to take one look at your 9-foot-tall tree with all those $150 collectable ornaments on it and race right up the side, like he does to the door jams in here. You know what we have to do, now, don’t you?”
He sighed and said weakly, “I know. Put up your little tree with all those wooden decorations instead.” I said, “Correct. I’ve had a cat-proofed tree for years.” Unfortunately, it looks like I’m going to have to drag that box down from the storage unit because my Future Christmas Elf has gone on strike.
I have done a bit of online shopping so the onslaught of packages should be hitting the PO Box soon. If I’m lucky maybe the Wells Fargo Wagon (UPS) will stop by with a package. That’s about all the visitors we get out here on the ranch, so it’s a real treat for us because Uber’s never going to deliver a pizza here, I can guarantee it.
Maybe by next year, I can teach Rod how to put up the lights, so it won’t take so long. Then I could video that and make $100,000 on America’s Funniest Videos so I can pay someone else to put up Christmas from then on.
However you celebrate the season, I wish you luck in getting it all done in the time frame allotted. I fear it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Since we didn’t host Thanksgiving this year, I announced, “We need to get a move on and get the Christmas decorations up! I’ve made a plan. Rather than move 40 boxes all at once, let’s get out the garland and lights and start with that.” My Future Husband smiled and said, “Let the holiday magic commence!”
We put garland up high on the walls (read step ladder) all around the living room and the dining room. Then he hangs lights on the garland, and I decorate it with poinsettias, bells and bows. We like it because it feels all “lodgey.” That’s my way of saying we nailed the Von Trapp Family Christmas.
Last year, we liked the look and feel so much, we left the garland and lights up until mid-February when half of the lights burned out. Our lodge turned into White Trash Central. Of course, we threw all of the broken lights away, but did I remember that a year later? Are you crazy? I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast. So, I had to make a mad dash to the Dollar Store for lights before my elf could proceed.
Evidently, my Future Christmas Elf thought all he was supposed to do was put up was garland and lights. A one-day job took him four days even though he’s retired. I finally gave up and finished putting up the lights during one of his “breaks.” At this rate, we’ll have the tree up on Christmas Eve.
And we’ve got other issues. There is Rod. He’s 8 months old now, but he still acts like he’s a 3-month-old monster kitten. I could see there was going to be trouble and this Christmas wouldn’t be “purrfect” without listening to a mother’s intuition. I sat my Future Christmas Elf down and said, “We need to talk. Your son (meaning Rod) is going to take one look at your 9-foot-tall tree with all those $150 collectable ornaments on it and race right up the side, like he does to the door jams in here. You know what we have to do, now, don’t you?”
He sighed and said weakly, “I know. Put up your little tree with all those wooden decorations instead.” I said, “Correct. I’ve had a cat-proofed tree for years.” Unfortunately, it looks like I’m going to have to drag that box down from the storage unit because my Future Christmas Elf has gone on strike.
I have done a bit of online shopping so the onslaught of packages should be hitting the PO Box soon. If I’m lucky maybe the Wells Fargo Wagon (UPS) will stop by with a package. That’s about all the visitors we get out here on the ranch, so it’s a real treat for us because Uber’s never going to deliver a pizza here, I can guarantee it.
Maybe by next year, I can teach Rod how to put up the lights, so it won’t take so long. Then I could video that and make $100,000 on America’s Funniest Videos so I can pay someone else to put up Christmas from then on.
However you celebrate the season, I wish you luck in getting it all done in the time frame allotted. I fear it’s going to be a bumpy ride.