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June 23, 2022
The Other Big Five Oh
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
I have managed to lived long enough to get the heinous invitation to my, yeek!, 50th High School Reunion. This is that one time that comes around every 10 years where you can’t lie about your age. I used to always claim I was 39 until I realized that I looked pretty rough for that age. Now I tell everyone I look great for my age because I’m 84.
But we are here today to discuss High School Reunions. Certainly, most of you have attended at least one reunion in your life. So, this is what everyone learns at their first reunion – that boy you were certain had a secret crush on you never did, petite girls turn into petite women and still look perfect, and you should have paid more attention to the nerds – they’re the ones with all the money now.
Being a self-proclaimed class clown, I always feel the need to go to the reunion because it’s a new audience for my jokes. And if I’m really funny you won’t mind that I’m old and fat now. So, I’ve attended a few reunions and I’d like to give you my take on them.
10th High School Reunion
Everybody pulls out the punches for this one. You drag your fiancé or husband, flash the ring and tell anyone listening that you have your own recording studio and make restaurant music tapes for a living because you are so cool. No one cares because they’re all telling how cool they are. It’s a big 3-day palooza extravaganza including going to a dude ranch (city kids), having a dinner dance and touring your former high school and boy, is that a trip down memory lane. I did particularly like the tour of the Boys Locker Room. Finally! But why does it smell like that?
20th High School Reunion
This reunion takes place somewhere fancy so you can show everyone that you can afford anything because you are so successful. And the kids! Here’s the kids! This one will be a football legend and this one’s the head cheerleader! Woohoo!
I actually put together a whole multi-media show (back in the days of projectors and slides) with music and announcing (by me) and brought the house down at one of our reunions. Of course, there had been drinking.
30th High School Reunion
Nobody that got divorced shows up. It’s a pretty low turnout.
40th High School Reunion
I’m pretty sure we had one of these. What do I remember? Nobody looks like they used to, and you really need to see those name tags. But the name tag letters aren’t big enough to read, so you chat about a lot of things with people, and you have no idea who they are. Then you finally find five people you know, and you have a great time trying to remember all the trouble you got in to.
But the invites for the 50th are out and I just read an article on attending your 50th High School Reunion because you just never know. You might be dead in 10 years so it’s got to be fun, shouldn’t it? Why you might find a great estate lawyer in your class. Or at least a friendly undertaker.
Personally, I am going to quit eating for three months and start sweating to the oldies because I’m not one of those dang petite girls. Maybe if I get a quick facelift after I’m skinny, my classmates might just recognize me. If all else fails, I’ve always got the jokes.
But we are here today to discuss High School Reunions. Certainly, most of you have attended at least one reunion in your life. So, this is what everyone learns at their first reunion – that boy you were certain had a secret crush on you never did, petite girls turn into petite women and still look perfect, and you should have paid more attention to the nerds – they’re the ones with all the money now.
Being a self-proclaimed class clown, I always feel the need to go to the reunion because it’s a new audience for my jokes. And if I’m really funny you won’t mind that I’m old and fat now. So, I’ve attended a few reunions and I’d like to give you my take on them.
10th High School Reunion
Everybody pulls out the punches for this one. You drag your fiancé or husband, flash the ring and tell anyone listening that you have your own recording studio and make restaurant music tapes for a living because you are so cool. No one cares because they’re all telling how cool they are. It’s a big 3-day palooza extravaganza including going to a dude ranch (city kids), having a dinner dance and touring your former high school and boy, is that a trip down memory lane. I did particularly like the tour of the Boys Locker Room. Finally! But why does it smell like that?
20th High School Reunion
This reunion takes place somewhere fancy so you can show everyone that you can afford anything because you are so successful. And the kids! Here’s the kids! This one will be a football legend and this one’s the head cheerleader! Woohoo!
I actually put together a whole multi-media show (back in the days of projectors and slides) with music and announcing (by me) and brought the house down at one of our reunions. Of course, there had been drinking.
30th High School Reunion
Nobody that got divorced shows up. It’s a pretty low turnout.
40th High School Reunion
I’m pretty sure we had one of these. What do I remember? Nobody looks like they used to, and you really need to see those name tags. But the name tag letters aren’t big enough to read, so you chat about a lot of things with people, and you have no idea who they are. Then you finally find five people you know, and you have a great time trying to remember all the trouble you got in to.
But the invites for the 50th are out and I just read an article on attending your 50th High School Reunion because you just never know. You might be dead in 10 years so it’s got to be fun, shouldn’t it? Why you might find a great estate lawyer in your class. Or at least a friendly undertaker.
Personally, I am going to quit eating for three months and start sweating to the oldies because I’m not one of those dang petite girls. Maybe if I get a quick facelift after I’m skinny, my classmates might just recognize me. If all else fails, I’ve always got the jokes.