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July 21, 2022
Shame on Amazon
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
When I moved in with My Future Husband, he had the Holy Grail – gas burners. I spent a cabillion years (okay 15) without the luxury of firing up the stove to cook like a professional. I was ecstatic until I discovered that the ovens were gas, too. Ok, propane. Whatever.
Well let me tell you, gas ovens are nasty. They don’t cook evenly or broil decently and they have no convection feature I guess because that marvelous little fan will blow out the flame. Sigh. I’ve learned to deal with the evil ovens. Yes, there are two – a tiny little one on the top and a bigger bottom oven that makes you lay on the floor to remove any item. A 20-pound turkey can break your back, trust me.
So, I thought, “Lucky for me!” when the big bottom oven went out. I was ready to go buy a lovely six-burner stove top and two large electric convention ovens but guess what. They don’t make that, and it would require an entire kitchen remodel to get what I want. And then there’s the price of gas and food going through the roof, so I settled on not having to do Thanksgiving for 20 people (hallelujah) and never cooking an angel food cake again. But, after months of struggling, I decided to buy a convection oven/toaster oven thingy so I could cook decent meals without having to make sure my food was short.
So, I started discussing toaster ovens with anyone that would listen. Then I took to the internet and searched, “The perfect toaster oven/convention oven/and cooker that could actually cook an angel food cake.” I read and read and really wanted the extra fancy one, but it cost almost as much as a new oven. I pressed on until Amazon said, “Hey, girl. I’ve got the best of the best at 25 percent off during Prime Days, so somehow you can justify this ridiculous purchase.” I bit, hook, line and sinker.
It arrived a day ago and took me and my Hello Dolly to get it in the house. Then I spent 30 minutes opening the box because I have never seen anything packaged as well before and I knew that if I didn’t like it, there would be no way I could ever repackage the whole thing to return it. Besides the oven, it came with two racks, a crumb tray, a pizza tray, a broiler pan, and an air fry thingy. Why did I ignore all those air fryer recipes, anyway?
I pulled out the large instruction book on all things new oven and found that it was about five pages, and the rest was another seven languages of instructions which would made as much sense to me than the ones in English.
Let me tell you all the things it can do, albeit briefly, because the instruction manual is very limited:
Toast, Bagel (does that mean it will make them for me?), Broil, Bake, Roast (there’s the turkey), Warm (so it will make me happy on a cold night?), Pizza (a frozen wonder), Proof (I could use that for my columns), Air Fry (which actually means Convection to you dummies who have bought an Air Frier), Reheat (for summer I guess), Cookies (I prefer cookie dough), Slow Cook (replace my crockpot?) and Dehydrate (but if I put any vegetables out in this heat, they do that on their own?).
This thing does everything but clean my house. I feel a rouge robot oven has taken over my world and it will take me weeks to figure this contraption out. I’ll get back to you after I burn up my first meal. Wish me luck.
Well let me tell you, gas ovens are nasty. They don’t cook evenly or broil decently and they have no convection feature I guess because that marvelous little fan will blow out the flame. Sigh. I’ve learned to deal with the evil ovens. Yes, there are two – a tiny little one on the top and a bigger bottom oven that makes you lay on the floor to remove any item. A 20-pound turkey can break your back, trust me.
So, I thought, “Lucky for me!” when the big bottom oven went out. I was ready to go buy a lovely six-burner stove top and two large electric convention ovens but guess what. They don’t make that, and it would require an entire kitchen remodel to get what I want. And then there’s the price of gas and food going through the roof, so I settled on not having to do Thanksgiving for 20 people (hallelujah) and never cooking an angel food cake again. But, after months of struggling, I decided to buy a convection oven/toaster oven thingy so I could cook decent meals without having to make sure my food was short.
So, I started discussing toaster ovens with anyone that would listen. Then I took to the internet and searched, “The perfect toaster oven/convention oven/and cooker that could actually cook an angel food cake.” I read and read and really wanted the extra fancy one, but it cost almost as much as a new oven. I pressed on until Amazon said, “Hey, girl. I’ve got the best of the best at 25 percent off during Prime Days, so somehow you can justify this ridiculous purchase.” I bit, hook, line and sinker.
It arrived a day ago and took me and my Hello Dolly to get it in the house. Then I spent 30 minutes opening the box because I have never seen anything packaged as well before and I knew that if I didn’t like it, there would be no way I could ever repackage the whole thing to return it. Besides the oven, it came with two racks, a crumb tray, a pizza tray, a broiler pan, and an air fry thingy. Why did I ignore all those air fryer recipes, anyway?
I pulled out the large instruction book on all things new oven and found that it was about five pages, and the rest was another seven languages of instructions which would made as much sense to me than the ones in English.
Let me tell you all the things it can do, albeit briefly, because the instruction manual is very limited:
Toast, Bagel (does that mean it will make them for me?), Broil, Bake, Roast (there’s the turkey), Warm (so it will make me happy on a cold night?), Pizza (a frozen wonder), Proof (I could use that for my columns), Air Fry (which actually means Convection to you dummies who have bought an Air Frier), Reheat (for summer I guess), Cookies (I prefer cookie dough), Slow Cook (replace my crockpot?) and Dehydrate (but if I put any vegetables out in this heat, they do that on their own?).
This thing does everything but clean my house. I feel a rouge robot oven has taken over my world and it will take me weeks to figure this contraption out. I’ll get back to you after I burn up my first meal. Wish me luck.