August 4, 2022
One for the Fraidy Cats
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Well, it’s August. There’s just nothing fun about this month. It’s too hot and football hasn’t started yet. With that in mind, how about something completely different? Let’s talk phobias. Maybe this will get your overheated brains working again.
We all know the phobia shared by more people than any other – the fear of public speaking. Known as Glossophobia, this phobia affects over 75 percent of Americans. Really? I was a disc jockey, and I can talk the chrome bumper off a ’57 chevy.
But I do have a couple of phobias that I hold on to very tightly. I’m afraid of heights and elevators. As for heights, I never go on a rollercoaster, but I am a great on-the-ground purse holder while the rest of you fools go flying around way up there. As for elevators, I got stuck in one (for probably a minute) and now I’ve got a flying electric box twitch. Want to drive me insane? Just put me in a glass elevator, push the button to floor 24 and hand me a straitjacket.
But there are lots of weird phobias out there that I’ve never heard of before. Read on; maybe we’ll all learn something. Here’s the strangest I’ve found:
Optophobia: Fear of Opening One’s Eyes
This happens to me every morning when the alarm goes off. Luckily, you don’t have this phobia because you’re reading this column.
Chorophobia: Fear of Dancing
My Future Husband probably has this because he’s got two left feet. Me? I can’t stop dancing all around the house. Luckily, I’ve outgrown my ballet tutu.
Geliophobia: Fear of Laughter
My only fear is you won’t laugh with me. At me. Whatever.
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of Peanut Butter Sticking to the Roof of Your Mouth
Granted, we are all supposed to be afraid of white bread, hence the reason peanut butter sticks to the roof of our mouths. Imagine the childhood peanut butter sandwich trauma! Next time, add some jelly and you should be good to go.
Heliphobia: Fear of Sunlight
I have this phobia in August, especially when I drive to work in the morning with the sun shining in my eyes. This one is probably best left to the Vampires.
Deipnophobia: Fear of Dinner
Every single woman over 55 has this one – “Sigh, what am I going to make for dinner tonight?” I’m sure this is why God invented frozen pizza and chicken nuggets.
Neophobia: Fear of New Things
At least it’s not the fear of old things, or people would be afraid of me. Heck, maybe they already are.
Syngenesophobia: Fear of Relatives
We all have this one at Thanksgiving. Especially those that like cornbread stuffing. Just ask Ann Landers.
Abultophobia: Fear of Washing and Bathing
I’ve had this fear on every blind date I ever had. I was afraid I’d meet one of those guys. And, unfortunately, I was stuck for the evening with more than one.
Geniophobia: Fear of Chins
Yes, every morning when I look in the mirror, I fear I will see an extra chin, so I guess I have it. I’ve seen a few scary chins in my life, but gratefully, beards are all the rage these days.
By the way, my Microsoft Word built-in spell check did not know how to spell any of these phobias. I guess if you have as much money as Bill Gates, nothing will scare you either.
So go face August without fear, dear readers. And don’t forget the scariest one of all: Wrapophobia. There’s only 144 days left until Christmas.
We all know the phobia shared by more people than any other – the fear of public speaking. Known as Glossophobia, this phobia affects over 75 percent of Americans. Really? I was a disc jockey, and I can talk the chrome bumper off a ’57 chevy.
But I do have a couple of phobias that I hold on to very tightly. I’m afraid of heights and elevators. As for heights, I never go on a rollercoaster, but I am a great on-the-ground purse holder while the rest of you fools go flying around way up there. As for elevators, I got stuck in one (for probably a minute) and now I’ve got a flying electric box twitch. Want to drive me insane? Just put me in a glass elevator, push the button to floor 24 and hand me a straitjacket.
But there are lots of weird phobias out there that I’ve never heard of before. Read on; maybe we’ll all learn something. Here’s the strangest I’ve found:
Optophobia: Fear of Opening One’s Eyes
This happens to me every morning when the alarm goes off. Luckily, you don’t have this phobia because you’re reading this column.
Chorophobia: Fear of Dancing
My Future Husband probably has this because he’s got two left feet. Me? I can’t stop dancing all around the house. Luckily, I’ve outgrown my ballet tutu.
Geliophobia: Fear of Laughter
My only fear is you won’t laugh with me. At me. Whatever.
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of Peanut Butter Sticking to the Roof of Your Mouth
Granted, we are all supposed to be afraid of white bread, hence the reason peanut butter sticks to the roof of our mouths. Imagine the childhood peanut butter sandwich trauma! Next time, add some jelly and you should be good to go.
Heliphobia: Fear of Sunlight
I have this phobia in August, especially when I drive to work in the morning with the sun shining in my eyes. This one is probably best left to the Vampires.
Deipnophobia: Fear of Dinner
Every single woman over 55 has this one – “Sigh, what am I going to make for dinner tonight?” I’m sure this is why God invented frozen pizza and chicken nuggets.
Neophobia: Fear of New Things
At least it’s not the fear of old things, or people would be afraid of me. Heck, maybe they already are.
Syngenesophobia: Fear of Relatives
We all have this one at Thanksgiving. Especially those that like cornbread stuffing. Just ask Ann Landers.
Abultophobia: Fear of Washing and Bathing
I’ve had this fear on every blind date I ever had. I was afraid I’d meet one of those guys. And, unfortunately, I was stuck for the evening with more than one.
Geniophobia: Fear of Chins
Yes, every morning when I look in the mirror, I fear I will see an extra chin, so I guess I have it. I’ve seen a few scary chins in my life, but gratefully, beards are all the rage these days.
By the way, my Microsoft Word built-in spell check did not know how to spell any of these phobias. I guess if you have as much money as Bill Gates, nothing will scare you either.
So go face August without fear, dear readers. And don’t forget the scariest one of all: Wrapophobia. There’s only 144 days left until Christmas.