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September 15, 2022
The Royal Mystery
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
I feel the need to pause a moment to remember Queen Elizabeth II, the longest ruling monarch the Brits ever had. Everyone, including us across the pond, felt she was their royal and classy grandmother. But after an amazing 70-year reign, one question remains: what the heck did she carry in the Royal Purse?
Very Best Friend and I have pondered this question for years:
ME: I wonder what she carries in that purse. I mean, what does any woman really need when she’s surrounded by staff day and night?
VBF: Well, she must have lipstick and a mirror, right?
ME: Doesn’t a makeup artist travel with her?
VBF: Do you think it’s the Nuclear Codes?
ME: I’m not sure they are the nuclear type in England. Way too reserved.
VBF: Maybe it’s Lottery Tickets. She’d have time to play Scratch & Win in the Rolls Royce.
My knowledge of the Royal Family includes watching the movie, “The King’s Speech” with VBF (which made us talk with British accents for three days). Then there was Diana’s funeral, a nice documentary on the Queen and a book I read on the Six Wives of Henry VIII. Oh wait, wrong Royal. Throughout all the ups and downs, the Queen always clutched the omnipresent purse.
Paddington Bear claims she carried Marmalade Sandwiches in there. Hopefully they are in Glad Sandwich Bags. By the way, what’s up with Tea and Marmalade anyway? I guess the Brits are always “teaed-off” and need to simmer down with something semi-sweet. Back to the purse.
Here’s the things I pondered that might have been in there:
A gift card for a facial
Depends
McDonald’s Fries
Half of Ireland
A Racing Form
Her Gameboy controller
Crib Notes
Her Passwords
Rod, my cat
Realizing that none of those sounded quite right, I went to my trusty compadre, Google, and learned some things I’d like to share with you. Then you be the judge.
There are two main topics I’ve found: what was actually in the purse and what the purse was used for. I wonder if it was bullet proof? Oh, never mind.
The Queen’s purse was one of more than 200 Launer handbags she owned. Ok little Miss Texas here just learned the appropriate name – handbags. Well, I’ve never heard of Launer, but I bet they’re fancier than any Kate Spade on sale at Nordstrom Rack.
The Palace claims she carried what any ordinary woman would – mirror, lipstick, mints and reading glasses. Of course, they’re never going to tell you about the Nuclear Codes or her Little Black Book.
There was one useful bit of information I did learn. The Queen used her purse for secret signals, something I think would make James Bond proud. And Sir Rodney Stewart should sing about.
If she moved her purse from her left arm to her right while she talked to someone, her “handlers” knew she was ready to wrap it up. Putting her bag on the floor is a sign that she needed to be saved from an uncomfortable encounter ASAP. (Wish I’d know that trick when I was dating.) And finally, if she was at dinner and put her purse on the table (whoa), it meant she wanted to end the event in the next five minutes!
Amazing the power of that purse. Wish I had one of those.
No one had more class and grace than you, Dear Queen Elizabeth. All of your loyal servants (Americans included) deeply appreciate your years of service while always carrying your purse.
And, Charles, make sure you bury your mother with her handbag. Women need lipstick in Heaven, too.
Very Best Friend and I have pondered this question for years:
ME: I wonder what she carries in that purse. I mean, what does any woman really need when she’s surrounded by staff day and night?
VBF: Well, she must have lipstick and a mirror, right?
ME: Doesn’t a makeup artist travel with her?
VBF: Do you think it’s the Nuclear Codes?
ME: I’m not sure they are the nuclear type in England. Way too reserved.
VBF: Maybe it’s Lottery Tickets. She’d have time to play Scratch & Win in the Rolls Royce.
My knowledge of the Royal Family includes watching the movie, “The King’s Speech” with VBF (which made us talk with British accents for three days). Then there was Diana’s funeral, a nice documentary on the Queen and a book I read on the Six Wives of Henry VIII. Oh wait, wrong Royal. Throughout all the ups and downs, the Queen always clutched the omnipresent purse.
Paddington Bear claims she carried Marmalade Sandwiches in there. Hopefully they are in Glad Sandwich Bags. By the way, what’s up with Tea and Marmalade anyway? I guess the Brits are always “teaed-off” and need to simmer down with something semi-sweet. Back to the purse.
Here’s the things I pondered that might have been in there:
A gift card for a facial
Depends
McDonald’s Fries
Half of Ireland
A Racing Form
Her Gameboy controller
Crib Notes
Her Passwords
Rod, my cat
Realizing that none of those sounded quite right, I went to my trusty compadre, Google, and learned some things I’d like to share with you. Then you be the judge.
There are two main topics I’ve found: what was actually in the purse and what the purse was used for. I wonder if it was bullet proof? Oh, never mind.
The Queen’s purse was one of more than 200 Launer handbags she owned. Ok little Miss Texas here just learned the appropriate name – handbags. Well, I’ve never heard of Launer, but I bet they’re fancier than any Kate Spade on sale at Nordstrom Rack.
The Palace claims she carried what any ordinary woman would – mirror, lipstick, mints and reading glasses. Of course, they’re never going to tell you about the Nuclear Codes or her Little Black Book.
There was one useful bit of information I did learn. The Queen used her purse for secret signals, something I think would make James Bond proud. And Sir Rodney Stewart should sing about.
If she moved her purse from her left arm to her right while she talked to someone, her “handlers” knew she was ready to wrap it up. Putting her bag on the floor is a sign that she needed to be saved from an uncomfortable encounter ASAP. (Wish I’d know that trick when I was dating.) And finally, if she was at dinner and put her purse on the table (whoa), it meant she wanted to end the event in the next five minutes!
Amazing the power of that purse. Wish I had one of those.
No one had more class and grace than you, Dear Queen Elizabeth. All of your loyal servants (Americans included) deeply appreciate your years of service while always carrying your purse.
And, Charles, make sure you bury your mother with her handbag. Women need lipstick in Heaven, too.