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September 29, 2022
Funny, I Don’t Feel as Old as I Look
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Last weekend was my 50th High School Reunion. I won’t bore you with details about the drama of who met who outside the bathroom. Nope. Let’s skip straight to the wisdom this reunion imparted on this old gal.
Small Victories
I had two – I got recognized by everyone. Some of my friends were not so lucky. Evidently, I must have a face only a mother could love. And I managed to wear my bra for three days straight! Heck, I even had appropriate undergarments for all my outfits. How terrifying.
Can I See the Carpet Manager Please?
This hotel had the weirdest hallway carpet I’ve ever seen. Now I know hotels put ornate carpet everywhere so they can hide the spots, but this new carpet was over the top. Best way to describe it was that it looked like there had been a fire, a horse ran through it, and then it morphed into a crime scene. It was so bad I wanted to 911 Stanley Steamer. I’m still having nightmares over whomever said, “Boy! I love this!”
Fancy Hotels
My normal go-to wine comes out of a box because I’m a bargain drinker. Do you know what a glass of wine costs at a fancy hotel? $20.50. Of course, it is the 9 ounce pour, and I’m not very good at math, but I’m pretty sure my box of wine at the hotel would cost $450.
The Live Longhorn
Our football mascot was the Longhorn, so The Reunion Committee decided to bring one to the hotel. The Hotel Manager thought it was a great idea because they’d already had a tiger and an elephant, so how hard could a Longhorn be? He probably picked out the carpet. And you know what? I think everyone should have their picture taken in a fancy outfit hanging on to a horn. I think it made the Longhorn a bit horny and full of bull. Ok, I’ll stop now.
Love Our Alma Mater!
Except absolutely no one remembers the fight song. Didn’t matter. No one can hear anymore anyway. What?
The Clicks Have Clacked
Look if you’ve made it this far, you’re just glad to see people your age who are still alive. It was very evident at the photo booth because everybody was photobombing everybody. Oh, here’s a tip: If you want to take 10 years off your life and hide your wrinkles, buy yourself one of those circle lights that surrounds your iPhone, like the kids use on TikTok. I’m ordering one today and taking it with me everywhere.
I’m a Glutton for Punishment
I proved not only I can wear a variety of bras for three days straight, I also discovered I can actually stay up until midnight for three days in a row. I know, I know, small victories. Unfortunately, after that late night binge was over, I was in bed for three days. But, then again, what’s wrong with that? Nothing unless you dream of that hotel carpet.
The Reunion Diet
I should have started my diet at the Reunion, because mostly I forgot to eat. I was talking too much. Which, come to think of it, is why I spent so much time in the principal’s office. I’m going on the Talk Till You Drop Diet this week.
Make Wonderful Memories
Many hardworking people made the magic happen for a great reunion, complete with a live frisky Longhorn, and a fabulous time was had by all. It’s important to reconnect with your past, and this part of my past was pure delight. I mean, we got three months off in the summer and we never had carpet in the school. Hook ‘em Horns
Small Victories
I had two – I got recognized by everyone. Some of my friends were not so lucky. Evidently, I must have a face only a mother could love. And I managed to wear my bra for three days straight! Heck, I even had appropriate undergarments for all my outfits. How terrifying.
Can I See the Carpet Manager Please?
This hotel had the weirdest hallway carpet I’ve ever seen. Now I know hotels put ornate carpet everywhere so they can hide the spots, but this new carpet was over the top. Best way to describe it was that it looked like there had been a fire, a horse ran through it, and then it morphed into a crime scene. It was so bad I wanted to 911 Stanley Steamer. I’m still having nightmares over whomever said, “Boy! I love this!”
Fancy Hotels
My normal go-to wine comes out of a box because I’m a bargain drinker. Do you know what a glass of wine costs at a fancy hotel? $20.50. Of course, it is the 9 ounce pour, and I’m not very good at math, but I’m pretty sure my box of wine at the hotel would cost $450.
The Live Longhorn
Our football mascot was the Longhorn, so The Reunion Committee decided to bring one to the hotel. The Hotel Manager thought it was a great idea because they’d already had a tiger and an elephant, so how hard could a Longhorn be? He probably picked out the carpet. And you know what? I think everyone should have their picture taken in a fancy outfit hanging on to a horn. I think it made the Longhorn a bit horny and full of bull. Ok, I’ll stop now.
Love Our Alma Mater!
Except absolutely no one remembers the fight song. Didn’t matter. No one can hear anymore anyway. What?
The Clicks Have Clacked
Look if you’ve made it this far, you’re just glad to see people your age who are still alive. It was very evident at the photo booth because everybody was photobombing everybody. Oh, here’s a tip: If you want to take 10 years off your life and hide your wrinkles, buy yourself one of those circle lights that surrounds your iPhone, like the kids use on TikTok. I’m ordering one today and taking it with me everywhere.
I’m a Glutton for Punishment
I proved not only I can wear a variety of bras for three days straight, I also discovered I can actually stay up until midnight for three days in a row. I know, I know, small victories. Unfortunately, after that late night binge was over, I was in bed for three days. But, then again, what’s wrong with that? Nothing unless you dream of that hotel carpet.
The Reunion Diet
I should have started my diet at the Reunion, because mostly I forgot to eat. I was talking too much. Which, come to think of it, is why I spent so much time in the principal’s office. I’m going on the Talk Till You Drop Diet this week.
Make Wonderful Memories
Many hardworking people made the magic happen for a great reunion, complete with a live frisky Longhorn, and a fabulous time was had by all. It’s important to reconnect with your past, and this part of my past was pure delight. I mean, we got three months off in the summer and we never had carpet in the school. Hook ‘em Horns