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September 21, 2023
Baby Mama
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Amazingly, I just had a baby. No, it wasn’t one for the record books. It was one from, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” This is a real cattail.
The other morning, when I was taking my morning walk around the ranch, I heard a rather loud and distressed meow coming from the tractor shed. Note: the tractors are never parked in the tractor shed, but that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, in the very back corner, hidden behind another one of My Future Husband’s toolboxes, were two tiny, tiny kittens. I ran to get MFH and brought him to the Dilemma Site to discuss the matter at hand.
ME: Oh no! What do we do?
MFH: We must save them!
ME: How?
MFH: No worries, darling, I will dash to the feed store and procure baby kitty formula, bottles, and a heating pad. Congratulations! You’re a new Mom!
I could hear Dearly Demented Mom laughing from Heaven.
I ran to get a box and a clean kitchen towel. Then I made a kitten incubator that Garfield would have been proud of. I also grabbed some ear plugs as these two were hungry and very demanding, just like MFH right before dinner.
The hero arrived with supplies, and we now had our own official Kitchen Cat ER. I fed them both and hoped for the best. Later, when MFH went to check on these tiny kittens, he realized that one of them didn’t make it. I turned my attention to the other one and said, “Ok, it’s just you and me, kid. You know as much about this as me. Let’s consult Kitty Google.”
You’d think every adult in America had already raised a week-old kitten for all the articles I found. Such pressure!
“Buy a life-sized child’s play pen for your tiny kitten to play in! Here’s the Amazon link. Easy peasy!” or “Here’s a tip. Take a hooded jacket and put it on backwards! Then you can put the kitten in the hood, and you can walk around with it all the time!”
I like my ICU box better.
It took a tough 24 hours, but together me and Little It (sex undetermined at that time) learned how to use a bottle for much needed nourishment. With all this bonding already, I’m pretty sure I’m creating a serious lap cat.
I finally checked on the sex of the kitten, but when they’re that tiny, it’s hard to tell. It’s probably a girl because, as someone who knows more than me told me, “If a cat has three colors, it’s likely a girl.” A girl! It’s a girl! Pink cigars all around!
Since Sadie, my dog, and I are surrounded by a man, a male dog and two male cats, we’d sure appreciate the help from another girl. You know how guys are.
Interestingly, Sammy the Siamese Terrorist, Sir Rod and Poco the Great Pyrenees could care less about the crying kitten. Sadie, the only female of the bunch, freaks out. A baby is crying! We must fix the baby! Hopefully I can teach her how to be a great babysitter.
We’ve been through 5 days now and the kitten and I are starting to get the hang of it. I can’t name her yet, because she still just looks like an “It.” Maybe once the eyes are open all the way, it will come to me.
I am toying with Lola because, as the song reminds us, “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.” And all she wants right now is to be kept alive. Wish us luck.
The other morning, when I was taking my morning walk around the ranch, I heard a rather loud and distressed meow coming from the tractor shed. Note: the tractors are never parked in the tractor shed, but that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, in the very back corner, hidden behind another one of My Future Husband’s toolboxes, were two tiny, tiny kittens. I ran to get MFH and brought him to the Dilemma Site to discuss the matter at hand.
ME: Oh no! What do we do?
MFH: We must save them!
ME: How?
MFH: No worries, darling, I will dash to the feed store and procure baby kitty formula, bottles, and a heating pad. Congratulations! You’re a new Mom!
I could hear Dearly Demented Mom laughing from Heaven.
I ran to get a box and a clean kitchen towel. Then I made a kitten incubator that Garfield would have been proud of. I also grabbed some ear plugs as these two were hungry and very demanding, just like MFH right before dinner.
The hero arrived with supplies, and we now had our own official Kitchen Cat ER. I fed them both and hoped for the best. Later, when MFH went to check on these tiny kittens, he realized that one of them didn’t make it. I turned my attention to the other one and said, “Ok, it’s just you and me, kid. You know as much about this as me. Let’s consult Kitty Google.”
You’d think every adult in America had already raised a week-old kitten for all the articles I found. Such pressure!
“Buy a life-sized child’s play pen for your tiny kitten to play in! Here’s the Amazon link. Easy peasy!” or “Here’s a tip. Take a hooded jacket and put it on backwards! Then you can put the kitten in the hood, and you can walk around with it all the time!”
I like my ICU box better.
It took a tough 24 hours, but together me and Little It (sex undetermined at that time) learned how to use a bottle for much needed nourishment. With all this bonding already, I’m pretty sure I’m creating a serious lap cat.
I finally checked on the sex of the kitten, but when they’re that tiny, it’s hard to tell. It’s probably a girl because, as someone who knows more than me told me, “If a cat has three colors, it’s likely a girl.” A girl! It’s a girl! Pink cigars all around!
Since Sadie, my dog, and I are surrounded by a man, a male dog and two male cats, we’d sure appreciate the help from another girl. You know how guys are.
Interestingly, Sammy the Siamese Terrorist, Sir Rod and Poco the Great Pyrenees could care less about the crying kitten. Sadie, the only female of the bunch, freaks out. A baby is crying! We must fix the baby! Hopefully I can teach her how to be a great babysitter.
We’ve been through 5 days now and the kitten and I are starting to get the hang of it. I can’t name her yet, because she still just looks like an “It.” Maybe once the eyes are open all the way, it will come to me.
I am toying with Lola because, as the song reminds us, “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.” And all she wants right now is to be kept alive. Wish us luck.