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February 1, 2024
Making a Connection
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
You know those weeks when you’re certain that Mars has gone extra retro Retrograde, because everything in your world is out of control? My Wheel of Fortune spin just landed on Electronics, so I had to take Electronics for $400.
On Black Friday, I bought myself a new computer monitor because my eyes are getting old. When the monitor arrived, it sat unopened in the office until this week, as Christmas and cold got in the way. Bright and early Monday morning, I opened the latest in Black Friday technology and marveled at my slick new screen. I knew I could have that hummer humming in the wink of an eye.
Being a former disc jockey, I’m not terrified of electronics like Very Best Friend. She went through a phase where all electronics ceased to function when she walked into a room. I referred to her as the Evil Electronics Poltergeist and refused her visiting rights until this strange phenomenon passed. VBF no longer tries to have anything to do with electronics, including all the magical features in her fancy new car. A cup holder, an analog clock, and a radio will do her just fine.
But back to my story. I made quick work of setting up the monitor, which went smoothly until I hit the dreaded It Won’t Fit wall. Some smarty pants engineer finally came up with a simple cable to plug your monitor into your computer/laptop/waffle maker instead of that weird giant blue thing with lots of prongs you must screw in. Unfortunately, my laptop has now been promoted to the Dark Ages as it only has the port with all the little holes in it and no matter how many frustrated faces I make, this newfangled cable and this port were never meant to have a meaningful relationship.
Being all electronicky, I dashed to the fixer of all things – Amazon – and began feverishly hunting a connector that could mate the two. Amazon morphed into a very helpful Jewish Matchmaker. And, miracle of miracles, the part I needed would arrive in ONE day. You don’t get that kind of service way out in the hills when you only have a PO Box, which means you must drive to town to get your mail, packages, and daily gossip. I needed this part pronto so I could slap out a truly hysterical column with my new fancy monitor.
The next day arrived, and my package was nowhere to be found. When I checked the tracking, it appeared that my Clever Connector Connection shipment originated in San Antonio and then took a trip around the Hill Country hitting a variety of towns. I felt like it was on a Texas Monthly Backroads trip. I wonder how the barbecue was.
I pressed on and ordered another Clever Connector Connection, which again was promised lickety split, so when my eyes opened the next day, it would be in my PO Box. In the meantime, Amazon sent me an email that said my first CCC had arrived. They lied.
So here I sit, happily squinting at my classic monitor because I realize we both are old and there’s just nothing wrong with that. We’re still both useable and, as far as I know, all our connectors are still in working order.
I dreamed last night that when I opened my PO Box, thousands of Clever Connector Cords tumbled out all over the floor and ran searching for their Forever Computer Homes.
Sure hope one finds its way through the hills to me.
On Black Friday, I bought myself a new computer monitor because my eyes are getting old. When the monitor arrived, it sat unopened in the office until this week, as Christmas and cold got in the way. Bright and early Monday morning, I opened the latest in Black Friday technology and marveled at my slick new screen. I knew I could have that hummer humming in the wink of an eye.
Being a former disc jockey, I’m not terrified of electronics like Very Best Friend. She went through a phase where all electronics ceased to function when she walked into a room. I referred to her as the Evil Electronics Poltergeist and refused her visiting rights until this strange phenomenon passed. VBF no longer tries to have anything to do with electronics, including all the magical features in her fancy new car. A cup holder, an analog clock, and a radio will do her just fine.
But back to my story. I made quick work of setting up the monitor, which went smoothly until I hit the dreaded It Won’t Fit wall. Some smarty pants engineer finally came up with a simple cable to plug your monitor into your computer/laptop/waffle maker instead of that weird giant blue thing with lots of prongs you must screw in. Unfortunately, my laptop has now been promoted to the Dark Ages as it only has the port with all the little holes in it and no matter how many frustrated faces I make, this newfangled cable and this port were never meant to have a meaningful relationship.
Being all electronicky, I dashed to the fixer of all things – Amazon – and began feverishly hunting a connector that could mate the two. Amazon morphed into a very helpful Jewish Matchmaker. And, miracle of miracles, the part I needed would arrive in ONE day. You don’t get that kind of service way out in the hills when you only have a PO Box, which means you must drive to town to get your mail, packages, and daily gossip. I needed this part pronto so I could slap out a truly hysterical column with my new fancy monitor.
The next day arrived, and my package was nowhere to be found. When I checked the tracking, it appeared that my Clever Connector Connection shipment originated in San Antonio and then took a trip around the Hill Country hitting a variety of towns. I felt like it was on a Texas Monthly Backroads trip. I wonder how the barbecue was.
I pressed on and ordered another Clever Connector Connection, which again was promised lickety split, so when my eyes opened the next day, it would be in my PO Box. In the meantime, Amazon sent me an email that said my first CCC had arrived. They lied.
So here I sit, happily squinting at my classic monitor because I realize we both are old and there’s just nothing wrong with that. We’re still both useable and, as far as I know, all our connectors are still in working order.
I dreamed last night that when I opened my PO Box, thousands of Clever Connector Cords tumbled out all over the floor and ran searching for their Forever Computer Homes.
Sure hope one finds its way through the hills to me.