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May 3, 2024
Rules of the Road
By Mikie Baker
The Bandera Prophet
Recently, I took a solo Road Trip back to Big D to see family and friends. I prefer cruising the back roads just as far as I can until I’m forced into City Traffic Purgatory – a place where you’re stuck sitting with your foot on the brake for the rest of eternity.
And while driving for six hours, I was reminded of the Rules of the Road, which very few of you people know or practice, so let’s review them, shall we?
This trip was a little tricky because when I left it was in the 80s, but it was going to drop into the 50s and stay there for a couple of days. And that requires summer and winter outfits, which is no problem when you have an entire empty car to fill with a variety of clothes, a car full of snacks and a radio with a seek button. Life is good on the road.
Junk Food
The best thing about a long Road Trip is that any snacks you buy along the way have absolutely no calories. Tator Tots? Why yes, thank you. Reese’s Cups? You betcha. Chocolate Coated Toffee you can only get in that one town square? Here’s twenty bucks.
Self-Driving Cars
I’ve always thought that self-driving cars were a great idea. Why? Because I know how to use Cruise Control and most of you people don’t. It’s quite the idea: set your Cruise Control to the speed limit and just sit back and relax. Easy Peasy. But no. You people don’t know how to drive yourself. You speed up. You. Slow. Down. I can only assume you have a split personality.
Seek Something New
I love the seek button on my radio. After I lose my preset stations, I wander through my FM dial. I can head down high school memory lane with oldies, learn something on public radio, get saved via songs, rock until I have a headache and learn every single thing that’s wrong with this country by some really angry guy. It’s like having a car full of people with split personalities.
Two Lanes
TxDOT gives us good roads. Most of the back roads are four lanes so it’s easy for the faster cars to pass the slower cars. But no one told TxDOT that Texans believe the entire road belongs to only them! I’ll go 55 in the left lane if I feel like it. Just watch me. Hey, why are you passing me on the right? At least people from out of state understand.
Lunch
Why get national chain fast food when you can eat local fast food? It’s just as unhealthy, but it tastes better because you rarely get it. I mean, I only get a Storm’s burger once every couple of years, so why not?
Bathroom Stops
Who cares? It’s just me and those people on the radio. Though timing is critical and I’ve sought out all the best bathrooms along the way.
Myriad of Tollways
There are so many tollways in the Metroplex, once I get on one, I can’t ever get off. They just keep turning into more tollways with signs that say, “Silly girl. We’ve tricked you into paying at least $20 just to drive from Fort Worth to Dallas. Bet you miss those backroads now.”
The Ride Home
When it’s time to head out I can finally relax when I hit that asphalt four-lane road that will lead me back to the hills with only trucks and deer for traffic jams.
And while driving for six hours, I was reminded of the Rules of the Road, which very few of you people know or practice, so let’s review them, shall we?
This trip was a little tricky because when I left it was in the 80s, but it was going to drop into the 50s and stay there for a couple of days. And that requires summer and winter outfits, which is no problem when you have an entire empty car to fill with a variety of clothes, a car full of snacks and a radio with a seek button. Life is good on the road.
Junk Food
The best thing about a long Road Trip is that any snacks you buy along the way have absolutely no calories. Tator Tots? Why yes, thank you. Reese’s Cups? You betcha. Chocolate Coated Toffee you can only get in that one town square? Here’s twenty bucks.
Self-Driving Cars
I’ve always thought that self-driving cars were a great idea. Why? Because I know how to use Cruise Control and most of you people don’t. It’s quite the idea: set your Cruise Control to the speed limit and just sit back and relax. Easy Peasy. But no. You people don’t know how to drive yourself. You speed up. You. Slow. Down. I can only assume you have a split personality.
Seek Something New
I love the seek button on my radio. After I lose my preset stations, I wander through my FM dial. I can head down high school memory lane with oldies, learn something on public radio, get saved via songs, rock until I have a headache and learn every single thing that’s wrong with this country by some really angry guy. It’s like having a car full of people with split personalities.
Two Lanes
TxDOT gives us good roads. Most of the back roads are four lanes so it’s easy for the faster cars to pass the slower cars. But no one told TxDOT that Texans believe the entire road belongs to only them! I’ll go 55 in the left lane if I feel like it. Just watch me. Hey, why are you passing me on the right? At least people from out of state understand.
Lunch
Why get national chain fast food when you can eat local fast food? It’s just as unhealthy, but it tastes better because you rarely get it. I mean, I only get a Storm’s burger once every couple of years, so why not?
Bathroom Stops
Who cares? It’s just me and those people on the radio. Though timing is critical and I’ve sought out all the best bathrooms along the way.
Myriad of Tollways
There are so many tollways in the Metroplex, once I get on one, I can’t ever get off. They just keep turning into more tollways with signs that say, “Silly girl. We’ve tricked you into paying at least $20 just to drive from Fort Worth to Dallas. Bet you miss those backroads now.”
The Ride Home
When it’s time to head out I can finally relax when I hit that asphalt four-lane road that will lead me back to the hills with only trucks and deer for traffic jams.